Don’t let the memaw persona fool you, 84-year-old Dorothy Canfield is an ice-cold criminal with a mind for murder. Find out how this hardened inmate plotted to have her prosecutor murdered and to have his boss “put in the hospital for two to three weeks.” Also, read one of her intended targets comments about her age and how it will have no bearing on his plans to prosecute her to the fullest extent of the law.

In what can only be described as dumbidextrous, 19-year-old Dandre Moore was arrested in Mobile, Alabama earlier this month after he was stopped by police “double texting” while driving through the George Wallace Tunnel. (Yes, “double texting” means he was texting with two different cell phones in both hands at the same time — apparently steering the vehicle with his knees.) Adding insult to stupidity, police found a large amount of drugs, including marijuana, Xanax, and oxycodone, in the car. Oh, and did I mention there was a three-year-old child in the back seat?