LINKS Monique Samuels storms out, Taylor Swift goes postal, No summer vacation…

REALITY TEA“Sundays have become the best night of the week thanks to Real Housewives of Potomac. The ladies are really on their game this season. On tonight’s episode, Ashley Darby hosts a sip and see event for the ladies to meet her baby Dean. In real life, this sounds like a sweet event where everyone would be soft-spoken and considerate of an infant. But, on this show, it’s not gonna go that way” (because Monique Samuels storms out)

DLISTEDScore another one for Taylor Swift against the Kardashians: While Kanye is trying to convince us that Jared Kushner isn’t playing him with reverse psychology 101, Taylor is joining the loud and growing chorus of voices demanding accountability from America’s current president over his attempts at sabotaging the USPS

JEZEBELAnd speaking of the postal service, Nancy Pelosi has decided that the House of Representatives, at least, will be coming back from its (brief, perplexing, infuriating) summer vacation in order to hold hearings about what’s going on with the USPS

CELEBITCHYMeghan and Harry bought a nine-bedroom, sixteen-bathroom, 19,000-square-foot Santa Barbara home at a “deep discount” from a Russian businessman who’d apparently been trying to unload the place for around a decade

THE BLASTMore Kardashian news: “Kim Kardashian has just joined the fight to help free Master P’s brother — rapper C-Murder — after he was convicted of nightclub killing and ultimately being sentenced to life behind bars”

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPCongratulations to Gabby Barrett and Cade Foehner from American Idol Season 16, who just announced that they’re expecting their first child together, a little under a year after tying the knot

VOX“In HBO’s Lovecraft Country, cosmic horrors pale next to the reality of racism: The new horror series takes a bevy of fun pop culture tropes on a ride through Jim Crow America”

GO FUG YOURSELFSteve-O had himself duct taped to a billboard outside a CVS in order to promote whatever he’s got going on right now that isn’t the new Jackass movie

LAINEY GOSSIPFinally, enjoy the trailer for Netflix’s movie The Devil All the Time, a Midwestern Gothic film starring Robert Pattinson as a “shady old timey preacher with frilled tuxedo shirts” out next month

Kanye doesn’t think Jared Kushner is manipulating him

If you needed further proof that Kanye West’s 2020 campaign is only a bizarre ego trip, you’ll find it in the latest feature on the would-be presidential spoiler. According to Forbes’ sources, Kanye and Jared Kushner — the same Kushner who’s Donald Trump’s son-in-law and campaign chairman — talk “almost daily” and it’s likewise almost a given that the White House is exploiting Kanye’s mental illness (to say nothing of his skin color) for their own electoral purposes.

RHOP star Candiace Dillard acknowledges she ‘may have offended’ with homophobic tweets

Real Housewives of Potomac star Candiace Dillard has offered a lengthy response to the people who “may have been offended” by her decade-old homophobic tweets. The Candiace Dillard apology acknowledges the 33-year-old reality star was a “private citizen, speaking carelessly” at the time, and says she’s grown up a lot in the decade since she wrote the tweets.

My 600 Lb Life star Brianne Smith Dias confirms miscarriage: ‘I try to heal every day’

Brianne Smith Dias, already dealing with a year of personal misfortunes, just revealed an unfortunate tragedy: one year ago, Brianne lost the baby she was expecting with her now-ex-husband Rick. The My 600 Lb Life Brianne miscarriage confirmation came from Brianne herself, who shared her misfortune and heartbreak in a lengthy, soul-bearing social media post. Keep reading for the details, including the full explanation from Brianne.

LINKS R. Kelly witness intimidation, WAP outrage, Nick Cannon lawsuit…

DLISTEDThe ongoing R. Kelly sexual assault trial now has a new wrinkle — or, more specifically, at least three of them, since that’s how many of his associates were arrested on R. Kelly witness intimidation charges after allegedly trying to threaten and / or bribe some of the women set to testify against him

JEZEBELA whole bunch of people appear to be mad at the song “WAP,” and at Cardi B, and Megan Thee Stallion for writing it; it may come as no surprise to you to learn that most of these people appear to be men

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPAfter getting fired by ViacomCBS for anti-Semitic remarks earlier this year, Nick Cannon is responding by apparently suing the Wild ‘N Out broadcaster for $1.5 billion, which Cannon claims is the value of the Wild ‘N Out brand

THE BLASTNew Vanderpump Rules star Danica Dow is reportedly on the way out of the show’s cast because of her ex Brett Willis’ “violent abuse allegations,” which have “a majority of the cast members” worried for their own safety

CELEBITCHYMeghan and Harry bought themselves a fancy house in Santa Barbara for eight figures, but the British tabloids are spoiling it like Meghan at Princess Eugenie’s wedding by claiming that Prince Charles had to step in and help the couple out with the financing

VOXIf you’re feeling especially vulnerable right now, try this article out: “The surprising benefits of contemplating your death: Now is the perfect time to face your fear of mortality. Here’s how”

REALITY TEABelow Deck Mediterranean star Malia White responded to former cast member Pete Hunziker’s claims she rides the cocaine rodeo by denying everything and asking Pete to “#stayclassy” in her Instagran stories

GO FUG YOURSELF“In Honor of Viola Davis’s Birthday: My Ten Favorite Looks of Hers” (It’s actually thirteen different looks, but isn’t that just three more reasons for happiness?)

LAINEY GOSSIPAnd speaking of pondering your own crashing mortality: “She Dies Tomorrow is definitely not going to be for everyone. In a normal year, this is the kind of film that divides people (“Nothing happens!” someone will definitely say), and in 2020 it might just be too much, given the reflection of the real pandemic we’re in. Understandable. But if you want to experience a quarantine fever dream, then She Dies Tomorrow is the film for you”

Kanye’s 2020 presidential run is almost a mathematical impossibility

Thanks to a supremely late entry and a campaign equal parts secretive and disorganized, Kanye West is all but eliminated from the 2020 US presidential race as even a serious spoiler. It all comes down to ballot access — and where is Kanye on the ballot? As of this writing, he’s managed to be included in only three states. And, by contrast, there’s a long and growing list of states where Kanye can no longer get on the ballot at all.

LINKS Princess Eugenie’s wedding, Kamala Harris VP, Amber Portwood sued…

DLISTED“According to one source who spoke with Finding Freedom authors Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand, Meghan allegedly announced her pregnancy to friends and family during [Princess Eugenie’s wedding] ceremony and reception on October 12th. Naturally, Eugenie was super pissed, and the source says that the whole thing kind of messed up her once-close relationship with her cousin Harry”

JEZEBELThe Vice Presidential Sweepstakes is over: After a few months of solid speculation, presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden announced that his choice is US Senator and noted debater Kamala Harris, who was pretty much the front-runner for the pick all along

THE BLASTAmber Portwood is being sued for $620 because she allegedly failed to keep up with the HOA fees for a house she owns in Indiana. Trick Daddy tips his cap

VOXHere’s the deal with Twitter’s new feature allowing you to choose who gets to respond to your tweets

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPAmerican Ninja Warrior producers are in the process of editing “All-Star” contestant Drew Dreschel out of new episodes of the show after Dreschel was arrested in Florida on “four counts of child sex offenses”

LAINEY GOSSIPJason Kilar, the head of WarnerMedia — which is in charge of a certain daytime talk show hosted by Ellen DeGeneres — says the company is “fully supportive” of Ellen, and “there’s really nothing to comment on” in the wake of multiple reports alleging a toxic work environment including sexual harrassment

CELEBITCHYChris Pratt was filming Jurassic Park: Dominion in England when he got the news that his wife Katherine Schwarzenegger was going into labor, but was able to make it home in time to welcome their baby girl

REALITY TEAVanderpump Rules star Brittany Cartwright, still down some major sponsorships and looking to rebound, revealed that her mother has “made an amazing recovery” from emergency surgery on her bladder

GO FUG YOURSELFIs there anyone left in quarantine who’s not pretty much exclusively wearing things that are, in the words of Alicia Keys, “shaped like a pillowcase”?