Category: News

LINKS Soulja Boy pistol whipping, #PumpRules drama, 2020 Oscar preview…

THE BLASTIf you hadn’t heard about the (alleged) Soulja Boy pistol whipping yet, you’re about to get all the details and then some. The rapper is being sued for (allegedly) pistol whipping an occasional girlfriend, then having her tied up in his garage and held captive until she performed oral sex on a guard

REALITY TEAJax Taylor is not here for anything about his Vanderpump Rules co-star Ariana Madix. Taylor went after Ariana on Twitter during her WWHL appearance, and is still going after Tom Sandoval as well

GO FUG YOURSELFThe annual Oscars luncheon may have “felt underattended” thanks to plenty of the nominees being in Britain ahead of the BAFTAs this weekend, but there was still plenty of star power and intriguing fashion. Acclaimed costume designer Sandy Powell won the day with her intentional-or-not David Bowie impersonation

JEZEBELThe producers of The Biggest Loser reboot can “wrap [the show] in all the wellness language they want, but it’s the same old shit” — namely, a “cheerfully exploitative” depiction of fat people

VOX“Hollywood is replacing artists with AI. Its future is bleak: How big-budget moviemaking is veering into Black Mirror territory”

CELEBITCHYThis is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say that going from two to three kids is a difficult transition, and I don’t know any rich people

DLISTEDOn a related note, the OctoMom’s octuplets are now eleven years old. So she has five more years to figure out how to shut down any and all questions about why they can’t all have their own cars

LAINEY GOSSIPOn the one hand, sure, LaKeith Stanfield would make for a way better Joker movie than the absolute nonsense up for eleven Academy Awards in a couple of weeks. And on the other, maybe his considerable talents would best be used in a movie about almost anything else you can imagine?

THE BLEMISHThe Blemish is *not* ripping into Justin Bieber’s new single or Bieber himself, what is happening in this strange abyss of a world

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP“A Prison Release & Plenty of Parties: Jersey Shore Family Vacation to Return Next Month! See the First Trailer!”

LINKS Kobe Bryant’s legacy, Thomas Markle facepalm, Coronavirus explainer…

JEZEBELRight now, the shocking and tragic manner of Kobe Bryant’s death outweighs the complicated nature of Kobe Bryant’s legacy — a fact reinforced by the Washington Post‘s suspension of a respected reporter who pointed out that Kobe’s 2003 rape case was not as open-and-shut as folks might like to believe

THE BLASTIn other Kobe news, fans appear to be by and large upset by the National Transportation Safety Board’s decision to release a few new photos and some video footage of the helicopter crash site. Releases like this are standard for the NTSB, a public agency known for taking painstaking care and a very long time with its investigations

CELEBITCHYThomas Markle is threatening to give a new terrible interview every 30 days until Meghan picks up the phone, which is a pretty shit strategy considering every time Thomas opens his mouth he gives his daughter less reason to ever speak to him again

VOXHere’s the deal with coronavirus, which is for now at least no more and actually far less deadly than seasonal flu

LAINEY GOSSIPI think there’s been a trailer for The Gentlemen before every YouTube video I’ve watched in at least a month, so it’s nice to hear that the movie is in fact “a classic Guy Ritchie crime caper.” At the same time, it’s rather less nice to hear that TG is also “hideously racist and retrograde”

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPMy favorite lede of at least this week: “If your Nana is single and ready to mingle (and a card-carrying member of AARP!) the producers of The Bachelor are looking to cast her in a seniors version of a Bachelor-style show!”

REALITY TEAMeghan Edmonds will not stop spilling her own delicious tea about her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s pettiness and I have to agree with Reality Tea here, if she’d been this interesting when she was on RHOC the show would have benefited enormously

DLISTEDCats won an award from PETA for not using any actual cats in the filming of the movie. Maybe they should have — if there’s one thing people like to watch footage of, it’s cats doing cat stuff

GO FUG YOURSELFJay-Z and Beyonce threw a Grammys pre-party and it somehow seemed to be pretty chill (when the coverage involves the word “frolicked,” you know it’s a relaxed atmosphere)

THE BLEMISHApparently Cameron Diaz has retired from acting? And she somehow managed to do it quietly, despite having millions of social media followers and not that long ago being about as big of an A-list movie star as one can be. This kind of open stealth is Murrayesque; respect, Cameron, and happy retirement

LINKS RIP Kobe, Grammys 2020, RHOC cast shakeup…

CELEBITCHYRIP Kobe: The Los Angeles Lakers and NBA legend died yesterday in a helicopter crash near Los Angeles. None of the nine people on board the helicopter survived the crash; among the eight other victims was Kobe’s thirteen-year-old daughter, Gianna

GO FUG YOURSELFThen, in one of the more surreal pop culture juxtapositions we’re likely to see in 2020, the Lakers’ home arena — better known as the Staples Center — hosted the 2020 Grammys. Plenty of celebrities were still visibly in shock and reeling from the news of Bryant’s death; that said, Billy Porter’s hat went a long way toward making pretty much everyone feel better

THE BLEMISHThe Grammys were also the venue for Demi Lovato’s first public performance in almost two years. She sang “Anyone,” a song she wrote literally the same week as her 2018 overdose, and was so overwhelmed that she had to stop partway through and begin again

DLISTEDTaylor Swift, on the other hand, did not perform at the Grammys, because of some behind-the-scenes drama that kind of got overshadowed

LAINEY GOSSIPOne person who did perform was Lil Nas X — he had the most-tweeted-about moment of the whole show by rolling up with BTS to perform “Seoul Town Road,” their remix of Nas’ “Old Town Road”

THE BLASTAlmost a year after his tragic death, Nipsey Hussle won two Grammy awards: One for Best Rap Performance and the other for Best Rap / Sung Performance. The Grammy categories will never, ever make sense, but congrats to Nipsey’s collaborators as well as his family

JEZEBEL“The Recording Academy, the organization responsible for the Grammys, says it’ll take steps to ensure diversity and inclusion, following a complaint filed by former Grammy chief Deborah Dugan accusing the Academy of being a “boys’ club” full of white men who contribute to a corrupt and rigged Grammys voting process.”

REALITY TEAFinally, in news not related to Kobe or the Grammys, Vicki Gunvalson has officially announced her departure from The Real Housewives of Orange County, along with long-time co-star Tamra Judge

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPSister Wives Season 14 Episode 4 Recap: Hopeless House-Hocking & a Holiday Ambush”

VOXIn case you forgot, there’s still a presidential impeachment trial going on. The range of possibilities of what could happen this week is vast; on the one side is “The whole thing could be over” and on the other is “The shit could really start hitting the fan”

MUG SHOT Massachusetts Parking Lot Pooper arrested, ending two-month fecal frenzy

A Massachusetts woman dubbed the Parking Lot Pooper for doing exactly that has been caught and arrested. 51-year-old Andrea Grocer, of Ashland MA, was caught mid-bowel movement outside her preferred venue: the parking lot of the Natick Outdoor Store. Read on for the full mug shot, plus some delightful straight-faced quotes from the local police.

LINKS Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt again, Thomas Markle lol, Bachelor contestant dies…

LAINEY GOSSIPWe’re back on Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt again, thanks to Brad’s unexpected new comments about he and Jen’s SAG Awards encounter. Brad went and extended this surprise narrative by claiming, among other things, that he was “blissfully naïve” about being filmed watch her accept her award and photographing the two of them greeting each other when she came offstage

CELEBITCHYSpeaking of naïve, Thomas Markle is profoundly so in the very best case. In his latest interview, he said that both the royal family and Meghan and Harry “owe him” because he’s in his “senior years now” and “it’s time to look after Daddy.” Don’t try to make sense of it; you’ll get a headache

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPRIP: A week after his hospitalization due to a suspected overdose, former Bachelor contestant Tyler Gwozdz has passed away

DLISTEDEvidently a bunch of people thought that James Corden was really driving the car during Carpool Karaoke, but someone saw him filming with Justin Bieber on the street in an immobile car and now the jig is up. I’m less impressed by the level of mock outrage people feel over this and genuinely impressed that it took this long for someone to figure out the car was never moving

VOX“Republicans complain about the impeachment trial’s lack of new evidence while blocking new evidence”

JEZEBELMore people should take this advice, myself included

GO FUG YOURSELFThe red carpet at a Cirque du Soleil premiere is my new favorite fashion genre. Honestly it may be the only red carpet fashion I ever pay attention to again. This is like if a B-list celebrity owned the Red Lobster at the nearby mall and invited a bunch of her friends for a grand opening. Debbie Gibson absolutely nails it btw

THE BLEMISHA Massachusetts woman has been arrested and charged with eight counts of destruction of property after pooping outside a sporting goods store on eight separate occasions. Bonus: there’s a mug shot

REALITY TEALisa Rinna’s husband Harry Hamlin appears to believe that playing a gay character in a movie in 1982 ruined his would-be movie career (though Hamlin also said he doesn’t regret taking the part)

THE BLASTSure you didn’t, Wendy — sure you didn’t

LINKS Meghan Edmonds threesomes, RIP Mr. Peanut, Clinton vs. Sanders part two…

REALITY TEAJust when you thought you’d heard the last of the Meghan Edmonds threesomes, the gossip cycle pulls you back in. Meghan is trying to get public opinion back on her side by crying foul over a discussion — on her own podcast — of the threesomes she and Jim Edmonds had. Meghan says she feels “like a target” now, which, maybe stop giving the story oxygen by addressing it on your many public venues, then?

THE BLASTPlanters Peanuts is trying to drum up social media chatter by releasing its Super Bowl ad way early. In the ad, Mr. Peanut gets killed in pretty standard action movie fashion (falling off a cliff onto an exploding car). I can’t help wondering if they would have blown more minds by releasing the commercial during the actual game itself

CELEBITCHYHillary Clinton is petty as hell

JEZEBELGood story; strong headline: “This Woman Used a Louis Vuitton Purse to Make a Prosthetic Leg”

LAINEY GOSSIPNo one involved with Daniel Craig’s final James Bond movie is enthusiastic about it, least of all Craig himself. The more press for this movie I see the more interested in its publicity tour, already far more intricate and entertaining than the movie itself could ever hope to be

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP“More Details Emerge About Jen Harley’s Alleged Attack on Jersey Shore Ex Ronnie Ortiz-Magro”

GO FUG YOURSELF“We Had a Tube Top AND a Formal Sports Bra at the SAGs”

THE BLEMISHSelena Gomez bought a ton of copies of her new album to get it to #1 (a plan that worked), then…both admitted she had done it and that it was a desperate move? I can almost — almost — respect the admission, though that doesn’t make it any less desperate

VOXThe Trump impeachment proceedings continue to be of the “Pants On Fire” variety

DLISTEDThe upcoming American Crime Story: Impeachment will feature Billy Eichner as arch-conservative gossip columnist Matt Drudge. Hopefully Eichner does his best impression of Brandon Scott Jones playing a dead gossip columnist test subject on this season of The Good Place, because it’s going to be impossible to see that character any other way

LINKS NeNe quitting RHOA, Brad and Jen Defcon 1, Impeachment fashion…

REALITY TEAThere’s a rumor going around about NeNe quitting RHOA after this season, which appears to be based on the fact that she’s barely appeared in any episodes for an appreciable amount of time and because Wendy Williams says NeNe is “keeping a major secret,” one that could lead to her departure

CELEBITCHYThere’s a ton of Brad & Jan gossip out there right now, so let’s all remember the basics of their SAG Awards (non) drama: “Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston went to the same SAG after-party & did not hang out”

JEZEBELIt’s impeachment season, and here’s your red carpet review. Oddly enough, Mitch McConnell doesn’t look as terrible as you might expect? and Pat Cipollone looks like the ghost of Harold Ramis possessed by Roy Cohn

VOXSpeaking of which: Not that it makes this any less harmful to democracy or the general public good, but Trump’s lawyers opening his impeachment trial with a defense of 100% lies should surprise precisely no one

DLISTEDTaylor Swift would like you to believe that she isn’t the least bit bothered by the enormous overturned litterbox otherwise known as Cats

THE BLEMISHFormer NFL superstar and current former NFL superstar Antonio Brown is a suspect in a criminal battery case also involving burglary. And before you ask: Yes, this is separate from the Antonio Brown bag of dicks story from earlier this week

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPMama June was spotted hawking her diamond ring at a semi-rural Georgia pawn shop this week, and she apparently took way less than the ring was worth

LAINEY GOSSIPI knew there was a new Bad Boys movie coming out soon but I honestly and completely forgot about Bad Boys II ever coming out at all, which I guess is kind of the point of the new one

GO FUG YOURSELFDutchess Catherine is making the absolute most of Meghan’s departure

THE BLASTThere’s no way this was the first time Wendy Williams farted on live TV. A better question would be how often do people who spend as much time on TV as Wendy Williams fart and get away with it

LINKS Thomas Markle vs Meghan, Lev Parnas spills tea, Racist #PumpRules tweets…

CELEBITCHYIn case the decay of their relationship wasn’t already bad enough, we’re about to get Thomas Markle vs Meghan in court, too. It looks like Thomas — who, in case you forgot, is Dutchess Meghan’s father — is prepared to testify against his daughter in Meghan’s defamation lawsuit against the Daily Mail. Over the past year, Thomas has shown himself to be fairly unreliable when it comes to spinning a narrative; if I’m the DM, I can’t be thrilled about having him take the stand

LAINEY GOSSIPIn related Sussexit / Megxit news, Prince William and Catherine were near peak pettiness while stepping out for the first time since the shit hit the fan

VOXLev Parnas, Rudy Giuliani’s associate and co-crime-doer, Ukraine Division, just turned over a bunch of documents to the House Intelligence Committee detailing more Ukraine-related crimes he and Rudy Giuliani did at Donald Trump’s behest, some of them literally written out in longhand on fancy hotel stationary. This is like when the FBI raids the Kansas City headquarters in Casino and finds all the evidence they need literally written out in notebooks

THE BLASTIt seems one of Vanderpump Rules‘ new cast members forgot to delete a few mildly racist tweets after being added to the show

JEZEBELThis story about the complete meltdown of and nuclear fallout from the Romance Writers of America’s recent orgy of backstabbing and deception is very long and complicated and also completely bananas and really just so very, very worth your time and attention

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPAshley Jacobs’ response to her fellow current and former Southern Charm co-stars and lovers Kathryn Dennis and Thomas Ravenel getting back together is shade in a few different hues

DLISTEDWorth the click for this article’s very excellent opening sentence alone: “It seems that Josie Canseco’s thirst for douche fumes knows no limits”

GO FUG YOURSELFThe thing that makes this lowkey my favorite headline of the last few days is how perfectly, compactly understated the joke is

REALITY TEAHere it is only mid-January and Bethenny Frankel is coming in hard with her submission for understatement of the year

THE BLEMISHI almost hate to direct quote so many times in a single links post, but here’s another strong contender for Headline Of The Week: “Do You Wanna See Flume Eat Out Lizzo’s Butt?”