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Top 5 Star Wars Jersey Shore trading cards

ByAsa Hawks

Ever wonder what the world would be like if George Lucas made reality television shows? Or if MTV made classic science fiction movies?

Me either. I have no idea why I did these. But, I DID! Here are some collectible trading cards from the alternate universe mashing up a galaxy far, far away with the boardwalk just across the river. It’s the world of Ewops, Tattoo-ine and partying at the Mos Jersey Cantina. A wonderful place where the stress of saving the universe over and over is replaced by the relative ease of hooking up with random hot Guidos and Guidettes over and over.

Though there are numerous beautiful characters and things from the offspring of Star Wars and Jersey Shore, I’ve managed to whittle it down to the Top 5, and here they are!

VIDEO Teen Mom’s Amber chokes and slaps fiance Gary
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VIDEO Teen Mom’s Amber chokes and slaps fiance Gary

ByStarcasm Staff

MTV appears to have a male/female graphic violence double standard, censoring the now-infamous “Snooki Punch” from the airing of the episode of Jersey Shore, yet they had no problem with Amber violently pushing her fiance Gary into a corner by his throat and then slapping him while screaming the entire time. Could you imagine the outrage if the roles had been reversed – if Gary had choked Amber and violently pushed her into the corner and hit her?!? (We almost get the same effect when Amber grabs him by his D-cup man boobs.)

Watch the clip!

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Watch Online MTV’s “Teen Mom” complete episode 1 “Looking for Love”

ByAsa Hawks

Watch the full premiere episode of MTV’s Teen Mom, the follow-up show to the popular 16 and Pregnant series. MTV picks up the storylines of Amber, Catelynne, Maci and Farrah as they deal with trying to raise a child at the age of 17. Actually, Catelynne and Tyler put their child up for adoption so their storyline is their struggle with that decision and having to deal with their infant-like parents.

Watch Online MTV’s “Teen Mom” complete episode 3 “Fallout” video
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Watch Online MTV’s “Teen Mom” complete episode 3 “Fallout” video

ByAsa Hawks

The teen mama drama continues as Amber chokes and biyotch-slaps Gary, Catelynn’s Tyler and his uber-mulleted dad Butch kiss and make up for a brief moment, Maci’s friends all head off to college and Farrah deals with getting dumped on by Shaq. Watch the full episode and get completely caught up!

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PHOTOS “DJ Pauly D” Paul Delvecchio pictures before The Blowout

ByAsa Hawks

The starcasm.net Jersey Shore photo collection continues to grow! It started out with the abtrulescent Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and his deleted myspace pictures and now we’re moving on to DJ Pauly D.

Check out little Paul Delvecchio before he perfected his famous hairdo known as “The Blowout!”

Arrest warrant issued for Real Housewife Lynne Curtin for owing $1.2 million to a former business partner
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Arrest warrant issued for Real Housewife Lynne Curtin for owing $1.2 million to a former business partner

ByAsa Hawks

It appears as though The Real Housewives of Orange County‘s Lynne Curtin has finally done something exciting! No, she hasn’t replaced her twin brother Steven Tyler as lead singer of Aerosmith – she and her husband Frank Curtin skipped out on a court appearance in Southern California yesterday. Orange County’s Randy and Evi Quaid were supposed to address questions regarding the $1.2 million they owed a former business partner stemming from an earlier settlement.

According to TMZ.com a Riverside County, California judge has “issued a bench warrant for both Lynne and Frank’s arrest.”

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PHOTOS Jersey Shore’s Mike Sorrentino ‘The Situation’ Myspace and high school yearbook pictures

ByAsa Hawks

Clearly the American television viewing audience was completely unprepared for the rawness of MTV’s Jersey Shore. Guido fever has swept through the media and the nation and though everything from rationality and moral decency have been tried as a vaccine, nothing seems to be working.

Spearheading the Giuseppidemic is self-proclaimed Guidette Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, whose wild antics and audacious personality led to the infamous “Snooki punch” cleverly used by MTV in commercials for the show, and then censored from the actual episode before airing.

Running a close second to Snooki is the Guidoest of the Guidos, the abtastic Italian Stallion known simply as “The Situation.” I’ve dug up some older photos of Mike, including a photo from his high school yearbook! (Yes, he always had those abs.)

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Jersey Shore took over NBC Late Night: Snooki and The Situation do Conan and Jaywalking

ByStarcasm Staff

The situation is that The Situation and Snooki are the breakout stars of MTV’s controversial ratings darling Jersey Shore, and they’ve been busy doing the talk show circuit to seal the deal on their new-found celebrity status. Last week they hit up NBC big time, appearing on Jaywalking (with D. J. Pauly D, who’s hair…

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SNL VIDEO Watch Snookie on Saturday Night Live Weekend Update

ByAsa Hawks

Overnight Jersey Shore sensation Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is taking over television! She’s like an accomplishmentless Sarah Palin who doesn’t dodge questions! And just like Sarah Palin, there is way more demand for Snooki than there is supply so shows are having to clone the hot commodity. Tina Fey was Sarah Palin’s doppelganger and now Bobby Moynihan is confusing folks with his spot-on impersonation of Snooki. Here’s the hilarious video from last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update:

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VIDEO – Watch Muse perform ‘Starlight’ on SNL 12/19

ByStarcasm Staff

Muse performed on last night’s Saturday Night Live’s pre-Christmas show. Below is the Radiohead-inspired band’s rousing rendition of “Starlight.” If you’re itching to see them live, they’ll begin a world tour January 7, starting in Seaoul, Korea. Their first USA tour will be February 27. To check out the dates, CLICK HERE. Subscribe to Starcasm…

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NBC to fire Conan O’Brien from The Tonight Show and replace him with Jerry Seinfeld?

ByStarcasm Staff

PopEater claims that NBC is ready to drop Conan O’Brien after only a few months on The Tonight Show! Not only that, but they also might shopping around for Jerry Seinfeld. “NBC just can’t carry on like this. ‘The Tonight Show’ has lost 52 percent of its viewership in just one year. The November ratings…

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Is Jersey Shore’s Snooki the new Kim Kardashian?

Bycarrieglass

Snooki (real name: Nicole Polizzi, pictured above playing Beatles Rockband) has all the trappings of a Kardashian, she’s a dark beauty who’s always wearing her signature style, constantly mugging to every cameraphone in a ten-mile radius, and it infiltrating the culture’s collective consciousness through sheer force of will. This fiesty self-described guidette seems well on…

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The real reason Kevin Gillespie didn’t win Top Chef: He was going through a divorce

ByStarcasm Staff

Kevin Gillespie, everyone’s favorite pork-lovin’ leprechaun, lost Top Chef Season 6 to Evil Robot Michael, and I’ve been inconsolable ever since. Now the lovable Yukon Cornelius lookalike has revealed that a personal issue that may have affected his performance during the final round. Gillespie was a standout favorite in a Top Chef season devoid of…

PHOTOS Is Victoria Rowell joining The Real Housewives of Atlanta?

ByAsa Hawks

After rumors started circulating earlier this month that The Real Housewives of Atlanta might not be bringing back show favorites Nene Leakes and Kim Zolciak, speculation began as to who would be their replacements. Freddyo.com says he has multiple sources that tell him The Young and the Restless actress Victoria Rowell will be the newest cast member on the show, “but nothing is set in stone just yet…”

Natasha Alam pictures – Newest True Blood cast member!

ByAsa Hawks

True Blood is such a great show it keeps fans entertained year round! Though there isn’t any on screen Southern-style blood sucking drama to keep up with, producers of the show are keeping fans tuned in with all kinds of off screen news, including the announcement of new cast members! The latest addition will be a love interest for Eric and a dancer at Fangtasia named Yvette and will be played by The Bold and the Beautiful babe Natasha Alam.

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VIDEO – Taylor Lautner knocks off Kanye West’s head on SNL

Bycarrieglass

Months after Kanye West single-handedly rocketed Taylor Swift’s career into the stratosphere by disrespecting her at the VMA’s, Taylor’s boyfriend, New Moon‘s Taylor Lautner, has finally released his frustrations with Yeezy by attacking a cardboard cut-out. Lautner actually was up on stage when the incident happened, but he slunk further in the background and looked…

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Saturday Night Live VIDEO – Taylor Lautner is on Team Edward

ByStarcasm Staff

Taylor Lautner has succeeded in inverting the universe with this cute SNL skit. All the girls (and cougars) on Team Taylor may have to take a moment of reflection and soul searching because it turns out Taylor, who plays the werewolf Jacon in The Twilight Saga is actually on Team Edward! Or, he would be…

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Move over Big Papa, Big Mama’s here: Kim Zolciak is a lesbian

Bycarrieglass

Does Kim Zolciak have a Big Mama? Bravo definitely can’t fire Kim now that she could be the very first lesbian Real Housewife. Finally! All these years and no lesbians? For shame, Bravo. According to Gossip on This, on Dec. 10 Kim performed her one-hit-wonder “Tardy for the Party” (twice!) at Splash Bar in NYC,…

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Watch the Snooki Punch video MTV won’t air! Brad Ferro punches Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi on Jersey Shore

Bycarrieglass

MTV’s Jersey Shore has caused a great deal of controversy since it first aired about three weeks ago. Many Italian Americans have been angered, advertisers have dropped the show, and the Jersey Shore Visitor’s Bureau has issued a statement saying that the Shore has been misrepresented. Despite all that (more likely because), the show has…

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PHOTOS – Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley go Christmas Shopping with Slade’s sick son, Grayson Arroyo-Smiley

ByStarcasm Staff

In what is both a PR move and an act of fatherhood, Slade Smiley went shopping with his 9-year-old son Grayson Arroyo-Smiley, who suffers from an inoperable brain tumor. Earlier this year Slade was arrested for failing to pay almost $80,000 in child support for Grayson. A few months ago Smiley’s ex, Michelle Arroyo, claimed…

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Gretchen Rossi’s deleted blog post addressing Tamra’s ‘stories’ including Jay Photoglou

ByStarcasm Staff

During Season 6, Episode 5 of Real Housewives of Orange County: “Friends, Facelifts, and Florida,” Tamra and Gretchen met up to talk out their troubles. At some point they sort of made-up and Tamra asked Gretchen to take down a blog post from her website (gretchenrossi.com, which is no longer in service). Thankfully, the folks…

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Will Nene Leakes and Kim Zolciak be back for Season 3 of Real Housewives of Atlanta?

Bycarrieglass

Nooooo! Could it be? The New York Daily News has a Bravo insider telling them that Kim Zolciak and Nene Leakes, the show’s most explosive castmembers are demanding more money to come back for Season 3, and Bravo’s willing to let them walk away. Similar headlines came out about Jill Zarin and Ramona Singer when…

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Who won Top Chef Las Vegas Season 6? Finale recap and the winner!

ByStarcasm Staff

Tonight was the concluding hour of Season Six of the great Bravo reality competition show Top Chef. The season started with 17 aspiring chefs and tonight there were just three left. Click to see my recap (typed out as I “watched what happened” live!) and to find out who took home the honor of… TOP CHEF!

Farrah Abraham and Sophia's father Derek Underwood, who died in a car accident Decemeber 28, 2008
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How did Farrah Abraham’s daughter Sophia’s dad Derek Underwood die?

ByStarcasm Staff

On 16 and Pregnant and the first season ofTeen Mom, Farrah Abraham doesn’t reveal much about the father of her daughter, Sophia Abraham. All viewers are told is that Farrah cut him out of her life. On 16 and Pregnant, Farrah’s mom Debra tells her to block his number to keep him from calling her…

PHOTOS – 2009 Biggest Loser Season 8 winner Danny Cahill Before and After astounding record-breaking weight loss

ByStarcasm Staff

Danny Cahill looked unrecognizable when he stepped on The Biggest Loser stage Tuesday night, and it was obvious he was going to blow the other two finalists away. Danny began his journey at The Biggest Loser at 430lb., and last night he weighed only 191 lb. with a total weight loss of 239lb, the most…

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Atlanta ‘Real Housewife’ Kandi Burruss signs new record deal with Asylum; B.L.O.G. to be released February 2010

ByStarcasm Staff

Real singer-songwriter Kandi Burruss has inked a deal with Aslyum Records to release her solo album B.L.O.G. February 2010, according to BV Buzz. During an episode of Season 2 of Real Housewives of Altanta, former Xscape member Kandi Burruss met with executives at Capital to make a deal for her first solo album in ten…

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VIDEO – Did Kari Ann Peniche get kicked off of Celebrity Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew? Vase throwing and weave-pulling

ByStarcasm Staff

Disgraced Teen Queen and star of the McSteamy nude tape Kari Ann Peniche almost got kicked out of of Celebrity Rehab: Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew for throwing vases at people. It was only a matter of time because Kari wasn’t playing well with others from the very beginning. She never got up early enough…

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Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub sues Jacqueline Laurita’s daughter Ashley Holmes over weave-pulling

ByStarcasm Staff

A weave-pulling lawsuit, and it isn’t even in Atlanta? Unbeweavable! BRAVO’s cameras were reportedly rolling for the moment that provoked Danielle Staub to head to court over weave-mistreatment. The extension-pulling went down at a country club on November 11 when Danielle got into another disagreement with Teresa Guidice, Jacqueline Laurita, and Laurita’s 19-year-old daughter, Ashlee…

Did Tamra Barney’s son go to jail? Ryan Vieth’s criminal record
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Did Tamra Barney’s son go to jail? Ryan Vieth’s criminal record

ByAsa Hawks

Ryan Vieth, son of The Real Housewives of Orange County‘s Tamra Barney, revealed that he elected to jail instead of serving 5 days of community service on tonight’s episode. I did some research and turned up a list of his 20-plus previous run-ins with the law!

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Alexis Bellino has a nose job, a boob job, and an ex-husband out for blood,

ByStarcasm Staff

Before Alexis Bellino was fixin’ plates for her husband Jim and ordering SkinnyGirl margaritas on TV, she was just a regular small-town girl from Hannibal, Mo. married to a regular guy. Of course, this regular girl had dreams; like a smaller nose, bigger boobs, and a bucketful of money. At least that’s the song her…

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Real Housewives’ Real Plastic Surgery – Lynne Curtin before and after facelift, or is it just photoshop? PLUS – Raquel pic!

ByStarcasm Staff

Lynne Curtin definitely seems like a nice person, but her priorities are whack! Her teen daughters have no direction in life, and spend too much of their free time hitting the bottle, her family is having trouble staying in a house, and she’s having problems with her husband, so naturally her top priority should be…

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What really happens during BRAVO’s Tabatha’s Salon Takeover: Behind the scenes at Chicago’s Orbit salon

Bycarrieglass

Just like other television shows, especially BRAVO’s drama-filled fare, the conflicts on Tabatha’s Salon Takeover are sometimes manipulated by producers. That’s really no secret, but many may not keep that in mind while watching, or know exactly what is genuine and what is just for show. The Chicago-Sun Times gives us a behind-the-scenes peak at…

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Is Tabatha Coffey married? Who is Tabatha Coffey’s longtime girlfriend?

Bycarrieglass

Tabatha Coffey, the hair powerhouse who changes lives and businesses on her BRAVO show Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, is also an out and proud lesbian, though almost nothing is known about her long-time girlfriend. Most recently, on an episode of Watch What Happens With Andy Cohen, Tabatha confirmed that she was in a long-term relationship with…

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Real Housewives of DC scandal: Michaele and Tareq Salahi cancel Larry King, shop for interview offers in high six digits

ByStarcasm Staff

Michaele and Tareq Salahi were supposed to appear on Larry King Monday to explain why they weaseled their way into the White House State Dinner uninvited, but they’ve canceled that gig and are now selling their interview to the highest bidder. A television network executive, who wishes to remain anonymous, told the New York Times…

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Was Real Housewives of DC’s Michaele Salahi really a Redskins cheerleader and Miss USA?

Bycarrieglass

Media outlets are describing the now-infamous D.C. Housewife White House Crasher Michaele Salahi as a former Washington Redskins cheerleader, and she put the above pictures of herself on Facebook posing with RedSkins pompoms. There’s just a tiny problem with this factoid: The Redskins told Foxnews.com that they have “no records she was a cheerleader for…

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VIDEO Neil Young sings “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme on Jimmy Fallon!

ByAsa Hawks

DJ Jazzy Neil Young can make anything awesome! On the November 24 episode of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon the Canadian neanderpunk granddaddy of grunge brought the haunting lyrics of the classic 1980s theme song from The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire to life and gave them the spiritual weight they’ve always longed for but never got thanks to the light-hearted rapping style of “Fresh Prince” Will Smith. I should just be quiet and let the ghetto falsetto change your life:

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PHOTOS Zac Efron arrives for Late Night With David Letterman

ByAsa Hawks

Zac Efron is just the latest in a long line of dreamy men to grace The Ed Sullivan Theater stage with his appearance on the Late Show With David Letterman Tuesday, November 24 to promote his new movie Me and Orson Welles. Here are some pictures of the dapper young man arriving outside the theater in a sharp gray suit.

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ABC Good Morning America cancels Adam Lambert performance after provocative AMA performance VIDEO

Bycarrieglass

ABC cancelled Adam Lambert’s Good Morning America performance after he grabbed a woman’s crotch, made out with a man, and had another man simulate oral sex on him Sunday night at the AMAS. An ABC representative gave this statement: “Given his controversial American Music Awards performance, we were concerned about airing a similar concert so…

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Production halted on ABC’s ‘Cougar Town’ because of a Courtney Cox family matter

ByStarcasm Staff

Cougar Town, which has been up in ratings, is currently on hold. E! Onlinc has confirmed with ABC reps that Cougar Town production is suspended due to family issues Courtney Cox is attending to: “We can confirm production on Cougar Town has been temporarily shut down in order for Courteney to deal with a private…

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Photos – Real Housewives Real Estate: Pics Tamra and Simon Barney’s million dollar O.C. home up for short sale

ByStarcasm Staff

They should change the name of the show from Real Housewives to Real Estate, because Housewives in every city seem to be up in their necks in foreclosures, short sales, and loan modifications. Here’s detailed pictures of the O.C. crib Tamra and Simon Barney are having to short sell because they can’t make the house…

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VIDEOS What do Daniel Wright and Shay Sorrells from The Biggest Loser look like now?

ByAsa Hawks

Last night on The Biggest Loser two contestants were eliminated instead of just one. The night was dramatic and historical – dramatic because Shay Sorrells was the first to weigh in and lost 17 pounds! 17 POUNDS! And that wasn’t good enough to stay out of the bottom three! (Because of the double elimination the…

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PHOTOS A sexy Mariah Carey arrives for Late Night With David Letterman

ByAsa Hawks

Singer (and actress!) Mariah Carey gave everyone a ‘Vision of Love’ outside The Ed Sullivan Theater as she arrived for an appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman to promote her new movie Precious. A brick wall is the perfect backdrop for Miss Carey because she IS a briiiiiick houuuse! She is stacked, packed…

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VIDEOS Taylor Swift on SNL Highlights – Monologue, Kate Gosselin, Driving PSA more!

ByAsa Hawks

Taylor Swift’s appearance on Saturday Night Live last night was a huge success and today she’s all the buzz on the internet! In case you missed it, here are clips of some of her skits, including her charmingly self-deprecating musical monologue to open the show, during which she plays guitar and sings a song about…

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VIDEO Kim Zolciak performs Tardy for the Party on Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Special

ByStarcasm Staff

The Real Housewives of Atlanta added a professional singer to their cast this season, but it was veteran “housewife” Kim Zolciak who scored a top ten hit with the instant dance classic “Tardy for the Party.” To give credit where credit is due, Kandi Burruss (Xscape member, solo artist and writer) and her producer actually…

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Real Housewives’ Slade Smiley owes nearly $138,000 in child support to son (Grayson Arroyo-Smiley) with a brain tumor

Bycarrieglass

Slade Smiley, or as I call him, Shade Slimy, is a special kind of Real Deadbeat dad. TMZ has obtained documents proving that Slade Smiley, who is currently golddigging a former golddigger’s gold, is behind over $77,356.75 (as of February 2011, that amount ballooned to $138,857.64) including interest in child support for his sick son,…

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TV Recap and Full Video: The Hills Season 6, Episode 16 “I’m Done With You”

ByShari

Image: Courtesy of MTV ‘I’m Done With You’ is something we have all said but not all of us have acted on it.  Kristin Cavallari is a girl who says what she means and means what she says.  Hence the “b*tch” label. Brody and his girlfriend, Jayde are taking a break because they fight too…

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VIDEO The Real Housewives of Atlanta on The Jay Leno Show

ByStarcasm Staff

Three of the wonderful ladies from The Real Housewives of Atlanta made an appearance tonight on Battle of the Celebrity All Stars. Lisa Wu Hartwell, Kandi Burruss and the always lovely Kim Zolciak made Atlanta proud embarrassed beyond belief. In Kandi’s defense, I think she should have gotten credit for her first incorrect answer. Jay…

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TV Recap: Desperate Housewives Season 6, Episode 6 “Don’t Walk on the Grass”

ByStarcasm Staff

In this week’s episode of Desperate Housewives entitled, ‘Don’t Walk on the Grass’ everyone wants to break the rules.   Bree starts to fall for Karl and the feeling appears to be mutual. When Bree trys to break it off with Karl he gives her a cameo that he tells her is a family heirloom….

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Why does Kim Zolciak wear a wig? She blames anemia, thyroid condition for hair loss / wig use

Bycarrieglass

On The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 2 Reunion Special, Part 1 Andy Cohen brought up Kim’s odd story at last year’s reunion about how not having cancer made her hair fall out. Basically, Kim delivered the story with the word “cancer” upfront to make everyone feel shocked and sad for her, until she later…

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VIDEO South Park’s Cartman sings ‘Poker Face’ by Lady Gaga with lyrics

ByAsa Hawks

Lady Cacartman gets his raspy pop groove on in the most recent episode of South Park, covering Lady Gaga’s smash hit “Poker Face.” The clip is from the episode called “Whale Wh*res” and comes immediately after Stan escalates the anti-whaling campaign with actual violence: In case you’re out of the pop music loop, here’s Lagy…

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Manslaughter charges may be dropped in Kandi Burruss fiance A.J. Jewell death case

ByAsa Hawks

Dennis Scheib, the attorney for Frederick Richardson who has been charged with voluntary manslaughter in the October 2nd death of Ashley “A.J.” Jewell, tells the Atlanta Journal and Constitution “I’ve been told my client will be okay.” He adds, “I think they’re going to dismiss it.” Richardson is currently free on bond. The reason for…

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Watch full episode of “You Ask, Kate Answers” where Kate reveals she wants to be in movies

Bycarrieglass

Jon Gosselin has been acting like such an asshat  that Kate Gosselin was actually winning the PR “war” by doing little more than weeping a little on the Today show. That’s all been ruined by an a full hour of dry-eyed egocentric answers to hard-hitting questions like “Why do you wear high heels?” Also, she…

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PHOTOS Nene Leakes and Kim Zolciak kiss and make up in Beverly Hills

ByAsa Hawks

Read what Kim has to say about the NY Housewives Why does Kim wear a wig? Well, they didn’t really kiss, but there was lots of makeup and making up! During the season finale of The Real Housewives of Atlanta that aired last night, cast members Nene Leakes and Kim Zolciak went after each other…

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PHOTOS Jon Gosselin watches as the children play in the yard with the nanny

ByAsa Hawks

I’ve realized that the Jon “Gosselin versus Kate Gosselin” debate is about like voting for president most years. People mostly belong to either of two camps that won’t waiver too much, and those that are undecided have to determine which candidate is the least horrible. But, we forget about the eight little independent candidates! Click…