The Safaree Samuels sex toy can be your valentine next year
If you’ve been holding your breath waiting for official news about a Safaree Samuels sex toy ever since photos and video of the man’s fire hose leaked last winter, you can exhale. Safaree, who acknowledged that the eye-opening footage was indeed of him and said he was open to “sex molds of his member” almost in the same breath, is now set to share his to share himself in a more intimate fashion. (If you haven’t seen Safaree’s nudes yet and want to know what all the fuss is about, check out our article here.)
Per VH1, the Love & Hip Hop star signed a whopping “seven-figure deal” to “turn his ample manhood into a sex toy” for Doc Johnson, one of the largest and most prominent sex toy manufacturers in the country. (Though we haven’t been able to verify the claim, KD McNair, a member of Safaree’s management team, has since boasted that this is “the biggest [sex] toy deal in history.”)
Shortly after the detail went public, Safaree took to Instagram to celebrate, inviting any and all of his haters to “suck my sex toy”:
The deal has apparently been in the works for months, since around the time Safaree’s nudes leaked this past February. Doc Johnson is said to be “in the process of designing a life-size model” of Safaree’s penis, in order to satisfy months of pent-up demand. I’ll be the first to admit I don’t really know how this process works, but how much “designing” does the company have to do? It’s only a metaphorical roller coaster, right? I would have guessed that they only needed to get Safaree worked up Cynthia Plaster Caster-style, make a mold, get to the dildo factory, and then buy a fleet of armored cars to protect all the money they’re going to make en route to the bank.
But I digress. According to TMZ, who was the first to report on the deal, pre-orders for the Safaree Samuels sex toy will begin this December; “the toys will ship just in time for Valentine’s Day.” So, while you can’t get the much-anticipated junk in time to give it as a Christmas gift, you can have it in hand — or both hands — to help get you through the post-holiday blues.
Doc Johnson, whose motto is “American Pleasure Products Since 1978,” already produces such classics of the dildo genre as the eight-inch “Crystal Jellies Dong” and the “Vac-U-Lock Double Penetrator.” For those of you looking to get properly warmed up for Safaree’s sex toy, the company also offers the popular (and appropriately massive) “Realistic Hung – Chocolate” dildo, which features “every detail realistically captured” over the course of its “3 inches of incredible girth” and “12 massive inches” of length.
Doc Johnson has yet to announce Safaree’s dildo’s cost. However, our exhaustive analysis of top-selling dildo prices from earlier this year yielded an average cost of $75.35 on popular website Simpli Pleasure — as well as an average length of 11.3 inches. We’re betting Safaree comes in close to the latter number, but boasts something considerably higher than the former.
To kill time before December, you can catch a fully clothed Safaree battling allegations that he’s Lyrica Anderson’s baby daddy when new episodes of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Season 5 drop Monday nights at 8 on VH1.
(Photo credit: Safaree Samuels sex toy via Instagram)
John Sharp is a Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail at john@starcasm.net or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.
