BEFORE THE 90 DAYS Geoffrey Paschel shares video at son’s grave, offers grief coping advice

Geoffrey Paschel Before the 90 Days

When 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days returns for a fourth season on February 23, one of the most talked about cast members will undoubtedly be 41-year-old Geoffrey Paschel from Knoxville, Tennessee. Geoffrey is already making numerous headlines weeks before the premiere because of his extensive history of abuse allegations from numerous women, including his current wife, at least two of his ex-wives, and his girlfriend from last year. (Geoffrey is currently facing multiple charges including domestic assault and kidnapping after an incident with his live-in girlfriend in June of 2019.)

In addition to the abuse allegations, Geoffrey also has a heart-breaking family tragedy: his 13-month-old son Kazhem passed away in March of 2018.

“The last few years have been rough for Geoffrey,” the official TLC bio reads. “Shortly after his second marriage ended in divorce, he suffered the tragic loss of his son. But life started to look up when he met Varya on an international dating site. Despite their cultural differences, they quickly bonded over their shared love of adventure. Now, Geoffrey has a trip to Russia on the horizon and is considering proposing to Varya, but he must first prove to her family and friends that he’s the right man for her.”

[I want to clarify that the bio is wrong and Geoffrey is actually still legally married to Kazhem’s mother. Also, it appears that Kazhem’s mother is Geoffrey’s fourth wife, not his second.]

Last week, Geoffrey shared a video on YouTube that he recorded at his son Kazhem’s grave. The video is titled “How to Manage The Loss Of A Child,” and it includes Geoffrey’s thoughts on his son’s passing and coping with the grief. (Unfortunately for Geoffrey, there was a stray dog at the grave site that nipped and wrestled with him throughout the 10-minute clip.)

Here’s the video:

“Hi. My name is Geoffrey Paschel and I’m here to talk with you about how to get over a loved one — specifically a child when he or she dies,” Geoffrey begins the clip while trying to keep the playful stray dog at bay. “The easy answer is: you don’t — you never do,” he continues. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life, and you’re never ready for it.”

“It wasn’t like he was a sick child,” Geoffrey reveals. “Nothing was coming on. No warning. And you’re not prepared for that.”

Geoffrey says he wanted to die at first. “It was just horrible. You know, all the bad stuff that people are saying about me out there, I would never wish something like this on them. Ever. I mean, it’s the worst thing in the world. The worst feeling. The worst experience.”

Later in the video, Geoffrey brought up the current issues he is having with his estranged wife, who is the mother of Kazhem as well as his older brother Cayvan:

He was loved. All the issues and the problems that I’m going through right now…with his mother, I know one thing about the child was that he was loved no matter what.

Even though there’s a lot of animosity, or resentment, or jealousy, or whatever’s going on, I feel for her. I still feel for her. She birthed him, and I was there to cradle him as he came into this world. But, you know, she carried him for nine months.

Geoffrey returns to reflecting on the impact that Kazhem’s passing had on him towards the end of the video. “I learned a lot. I’ve gained a lot of patience, a lot of, I guess, wisdom from this – -and a lot of feelings that I didn’t have at first. You know, some empathy per se. I didn’t really empathize well with people, and that’s something that I’ve been learning to do because of this situation.”

“Nobody knows what I’m going through, you know? I’m not a person to ever talk about it. So, for me to get on this right now and talk about it, you know it’s weighing on me heavy.”

Geoffrey then thanks everyone for watching and encourages anyone with questions to ask him.

I’m guessing that the most common question Geoffrey will receive from the video will be people asking for more information on how Kazhem died. All that Geoffrey says is that it was unexpected and Kazhem wasn’t suffering from any sort of known illness prior to his passing.

I cannot answer that question, but I can share all of the information I have been able to find out from court documents.

As you can tell from the tombstone in the video, Kazhem was born on February 3, 2017. Dad Geoffrey and mom Brittany Paschel enjoyed traveling, and “in order to give the children greater citizenship and immigration options,” their two kids were both born in different countries. Kazhem was born in Nicaragua and Cayvan was born in Costa Rica. Thanks to his mother having both Canadian and Jamaican citizenship, Kazhem had citizenship in both of those countries as well as Nicaragua and the United States.

Amid allegations of abuse and concern for the well being of her children, Brittany took sons Cayvan and Kazhem and fled back to her home country of Canada in July of 2017. She had been in the United States illegally, so once she entered Canada, she was barred from returning to the US. After a heated international court battle, a Canadian judge ordered that the two boys be returned to Geoffrey in Tennessee to let the custody battle for them play out in Tennessee court. That was in December of 2017.

Roughly two months later, in February, Kazhem was rushed to a Knox County hospital after reportedly suffering seizures.

Geoffrey posted this update on Facebook on March 1:

I’m not much on prayers (or expressing myself on FB), frankly I believe there were many times in my life whereas “he” should have stepped in and guided me a certain way if there was, in fact, a “he”. But right now, I don’t care, just do whatever you believe works for the world and bring this little boy back to health. He’s an awesome kid and doesn’t deserve this.

If there is a “he”, why would you allow this? What has this precious little boy done? All he is, is an amazing ray of light and one can’t help to gravitate towards him. So please, gravitate some positivity-not towards me, I don’t need anything, just to him…all of it and please, don’t stop.

Kazhem was pronounced brain dead on March 6, and he was taken off of life support the following day.

After his passing, Geoffrey and Brittany got into a legal battle over whether or not Kazhem would be cremated. According to the court documents, Brittany wanted cremation “so that both parents could have part of the child to have in their country.” Geoffrey would end up winning that legal battle and Kazhem’s body was laid to rest at the site shown in the YouTube video.

After Geoffrey’s arrest in June, Brittany received temporary primary custody of their son Cayvan and he now spends most of his time with his mother in Canada.

If TLC elects to leave Geoffrey on the show, you can follow along with his dating adventure in Russia when 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days Season 4 premieres Sunday, February 23 at 8/7c on TLC.

If you’re looking to find out more about Geoffrey before the Season 4 Premiere, here is a list of all of our posts so far from “The Geoffrey Paschel Files,” which we will continue to update and include at the end of each of the articles:

Geoffrey Paschel facing kidnapping, assault charges; ex gf gets order of protection
Terrifying details on the allegations made by Geoffrey’s live-in girlfriend after he allegedly assaulted her in June of 2019. He was later arrested and is currently facing charges of aggravated kidnapping, domestic assault, interference with emergency call, and vandalism.

Geoffrey Paschel is still married, wife says he abused her, she took their kids to Canada
Information on the bitter split between Geoffrey and his estranged current wife Brittany Paschel, including her taking their two children illegally and running off to Canada. Brittany also accused Geoffrey of abuse, and court documents indicate that Geoffrey’s third wife provided an affidavit to support Brittany with allegations of her own.

Geoffrey Paschel lost custody of son, more details from 2019 domestic assault arrest
After Geoffrey’s arrest in June, Brittany filed for (and got) custody of their son. Post includes additional details about Geoffrey’s arrest from the police report, including the fact that additional restraints had to be applied to Geoffrey multiple times after he attempted to kick out the windows of a police vehicle after being placed in custody.

Geoffrey Paschel’s 2nd ex-wife says he ‘repeatedly raped’ her in divorce filing, plus more abuse allegations
Details on the allegations made by Geoffrey’s second wife during their divorce, including her claim that he “repeatedly raped” her. There is also information from her order of protection filed against him in which she alleges that Geoffrey attacked her multiple times during their marriage, including one instance involving a shotgun and another with a knife held to her throat.

Geoffrey Paschel criminal history timeline
We continue our in-depth coverage of controversial 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days star Geoffrey Paschel by moving on from the numerous allegations of domestic abuse made against him by his wives and girlfriend and taking a look at his other arrests.

Ex-wife accuses Geoffrey Paschel of reselling prescription opiates, using his children as a ‘cover’ or ‘mule’
We take a peek at Geoffrey’s third marriage and the contentious custody battle for the couple’s son. Geoffrey’s ex references numerous allegations against him in court documents, including “his practice of selling opiate medication and historic involvement of his children as a ‘cover’ or ‘mule’ in his illegal activities.”

Geoffrey Paschel played The BTK Serial Killer for Snapped on Oxygen
Geoffrey Paschel is no stranger to the small screen. Before making his reality show debut with TLC, Geoffrey compiled a pretty extensive acting resume, including a role as one of America’s most infamous serial killers.

Why do fans want Geoffrey Paschel removed from Before the 90 Days? Full controversy recap
We recap all the controversies surrounding 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days star Geoffrey Paschel, including his criminal history and the numerous allegations of abuse made by his former wives and girlfriends. We also include Geoffrey’s social media posts about his past and the negative things being said about him — including the petition demanding his removal from TLC.

Geoffrey Paschel assault & kidnapping case delayed, plus 2011 protection order revealed
Update on Geoffrey’s assault and kidnapping case. Plus, a 2011 police report reveals that another of Geoffrey’s ex-girlfriends had an order of protection filed against him at the time.

Geoffrey & Varya update and Before the 90 Days Couples Tell All spoilers
Geoffrey and Varya reportedly did not participate in the Before the 90 Days Couples Tell All special after TLC did not invite him. A reliable source says that TLC did extend an invitation to Varya, but she told the network that if Geoffrey couldn’t participate, then she wouldn’t either. The special was filmed remotely during the first weekend in May.

Asa Hawks is a writer and editor for Starcasm. You can contact Asa via Twitter, Facebook, or email at starcasmtips(at)

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