Category: Daily Starbuzz

CELEBITCHY - In fairytale wedding news, Prince Henry and Meghan Markle's forthcoming nuptuals will include, but not be limited to: a horse-carriage ride through the streets of Windsor; a vow exchange at St. George's Chapel helmed by the Archbishop of Canterbury; and literal golden tickets to the reception. Veruca Salt still wants two VERY SMART BROTHAS - The Obamas' official portraits went public today. People have thoughts on them! The growing consensus is that Michelle got the better look, continuing her unbroken streak of winning every public head-to-head against Barack THE BLEMISH - YouTube suspended Logan Paul not because he is an insufferable douchebag, but because he gets YouTube consistent bad press (because he is an insufferable douchebag). Reddit banned FakeApp for the same reason. Basically, every "content creator" is still at the mercy of his platform, because those platforms are more corporation than outlet for free speech CELEBUZZ - And speaking of YouTube, Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars promised her assistant she'd go streaking around LA if she ever got three million subscribers. She hit the milestone last week, promptly dropped trou, and hit the bricks, leaving her assistant running to catch up. Shay Mitchell is raising the bar for content creators everywhere UPROXX - In more social media news, Instagram will now notify you if someone takes a screenshot of your story; they'll also tell you who took the screenshot (assuming the person is logged in). But it will only work for stories, not regular posts. And there's already a loophole DLISTED - Slow your roll, everyone who was excited by last week's news that the Spice Girls were reuniting for a world tour: Posh "Victoria" Spice now says that the tour isn't happening, though the group will get back together for...something REALITY TEA - If you have dated Kristen Doute, you have had your phone ransacked by Kristen Doute. Also, if you are Lisa Vanderpump, Kristen Doute has stolen cutlery from your restaurant (and so has every other employee) VOX - American figure skater Mirai Nagasu's triple axel at the Olympics was somewhat overshadowed by the American commentators' over-the-top reaction to it, but still really cool and impressive and worthy of all the superlatives it's been getting. Here's a tidy explainer on why the axel is such an elusive and tricky jump. Bonus: The article includes an official scoresheet, which is super helpful if you're like me and haven't been able to figure out why some skaters' scores -- like, say, Adam Rippon's -- aren't as high as their performances would appear to merit JEZEBEL - In other skating news: Ice dancing is ballroom dancing combined with barely-legal-in-public dry humping, so tune in if you haven't been LAINEY GOSSIP - 20-year-old Camila Cabello's new boyfriend is a 30-year-old dating expert named Matthew Hussey. Matthew, who coaches woman, uses the professional mantra "Get The Guy," which is passive-aggressive enough to remind me of the bit in Trainwreck where Amy Schumer is arguing with Bill Hader and she chides him for saying he likes going down on her. Anyway, here's a photo of Camila and Matthew looking happy and cuddling on a Mexican beach

VERY SMART BROTHAS - Do yourself a favor and check out 85-year-old Quincy Jones' delightfully batsh!t new interview, in which he makes the following claims: The Beatles sucked; Michael Jackson stole songs; Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor had sex; the mafia killed JFK; and Ivanka Trump, "wrong father" or not, has "the most beautiful legs [he] ever saw" LAINEY GOSSIP - Tom Hardy is completely unf*ckwithable, but the just-released trailer for Venom is kind of a hot mess. Instead of yet another comic book super / anti-hero movie, can Tom Hardy star in a movie about a man who rescues puppies from inbound natural disasters and helps them through their puppy PTSD with the power of cuddles? It would be like We Bought A Zoo meets Castaway. But fun! REALITY TEA - Ramona Singer's ex-husband Mario tried to evict his former mistress Kasey Dexter from their Boca Raton apartment, then had to call the cops to get her to actually leave. The next season of RHONY is currently filming, so some version of this may make it onto the show JEZEBEL - Bill Cosby's legal team is trying to disallow testimony from new accusers in Cosby's sexual assault case, claiming that the women's stories would be "highly prejudicial" for the jury. Cue facepalm THE BLEMISH - San Diego had to institute an official "Don't Kill The Homeless" policy after a garbage truck accidentally picked up a can with a homeless person inside and nearly crushed the person to death VOX - Jeff Sessions is afraid of marijuana the way Abe Simpson is afraid of skateboards. It's almost cute until you remember that the drug policies he's pushing were outdated 20 years ago, meaning Sessions is the political equivalent of the Fuller House reboot -- something nobody really asked for and, now that they've seen it, nobody really wants UPROXX - Last year, SteelHouse CEO Mark Douglas gave everyone in his company a three-day weekend in every month that didn't already have one and threw in a $2,000 yearly vacation allowance. Since then, employee happiness and productivity have skyrocketed, since it turns out people really do like money and time off. #MakeAmericaEuropeForOnce DLISTED - There are currently three Hollywood movies about Charles Manson and the Manson Family murders in production right now. Since you're probably going to choose which one to care about based on who's in it, just know that of them will be directed by Quentin Tarantino; one of them stars Matt "Doctor Who" Smith; and one of them will feature Hilary Duff playing Sharon Tate in the lead CELEBITCHY - And speaking of Hilary Duff, Sharon Tate's sister Debra is not pleased with Duff for taking the part of Sharon in the third Manson-related film, which is currently entitled The Haunting of Sharon Tate. Among the things Debra said: "It doesn’t matter who it is acting in it – it’s just tasteless. It’s classless how everyone is rushing to release something for the 50th anniversary of this horrific event." CELEBUZZ - Finally, in vaguely Manson-adjacent news, Mariah Carey's sister Alison claims their mother raised them in a cult and taught them "satanic rituals" and that she and Mariah were "exposed to sexual activity and [animal] sacrifices" while growing up

DLISTED - Pepsi is following the hygiene industry's lead and developing a snack chip just for women. (ICYMI: Pepsi owns Frito-Lay and Doritos.) CEO Indra Nooyi seems to think that women don't like the fact that Cheeto powder sticks to your fingers and you have to lick it off...but isn't that the best part about eating Cheetos? REALITY TEA - Former RHONJ star Dina Manzo is getting dragged a little bit for the advice she gave Kylie Jenner upon the birth of Kylie's first child. But the advice amounts to "Don't make having a kid at 20 look too glamorous since you have it super easy and your fans are impressionable," which seems like a pretty sensible, telling-it-like-it-is-on-a-sitcom thing to say CELEBITCHY - Justin Timberlake's Prince tribute at the Super Bowl halftime show was definite pandering, considering the two had a longstanding beef. Also, Timberlake's outfit was both ugly and ridiculous -- you can't wear a vaguely camo-looking suit on top of a shirt with deer on it. The idea is to not get shot by hunters THE BLEMISH - No, McDonald's French fries do not cure baldness, help make you thinner, and lower your blood pressure. If they did, America's current president would appear to the rest of the world the way he sees himself in the mirror JEZEBEL - Tom Golisano, a billionaire, is so enraged that by the geese that poop on his upstate New York property that he's refusing to pay a $90,000 school tax until authorities step in and deal with the problem. "Deal with" apparently means "Kill all the geese, since how else do you stop them (or anything!) from pooping? Plus, couldn't he just apply for a hunting license and take care of this problem in one weekend? The ensuing cookout would be a lot more endearing than withholding $90,000 from kids VOX - Speaking of goose poop, Ram took a Martin Luther King Jr. speech about as far out of context as they possibly could in using it to sell trucks with their Super Bowl commercial. Here's what the speech actually says VERY SMART BROTHAS - And here's why Ram taking Martin Luther King Jr.'s words about as far out of context as they possibly could in using it to sell trucks with their Super Bowl commercial matters LAINEY GOSSIP - The trailer for the new Jurassic Park movie debuted during the Super Bowl. It looked neat! But it revealed the inherent flaw in the franchise's formula: it's pretty much the same premise in every movie. (See also: Home Alone; Star Wars) CELEBUZZ - Here are the best memes involving the #SelfieKid who was more absorbed with his phone than Justin Timberlake dancing next ho him at the Super Bowl halftime show UPROXX - And here's every Super Bowl commercial in one place, complete with a handy list of winning and losing commercials for you to argue over  

DLISTED - Tom Hanks is going to play Mr. Rogers in a forthcoming biopic called You Are My Friend. It sounds like this particular movie might avoid the biopic's cardinal sin of trying to cram an entire life into two-and-a-half bloated Oscar-intended hours, and will instead focus on a brief period in Mr. Rogers' life. Good news all around! REALITY TEA - Stephen McGee claims his recently avowed enemy and Summer House co-star Carl Radke "f*cked Scheana Marie" back in early December, though he gave some eyebrow-raising details as evidence CELEBITCHY - Apparently Lorde didn't perform at the Grammys because the powers that be only asked her to sing as part of the Tom Petty tribute and not to do a song solo. Though Lorde was up for Album of the Year, the show's producer defended the decision by saying "We can't have every nominee perform." To which any rational observer might respond: Why did the other AOTY nominees get to do so? JEZEBEL - Among the praise Nicole Kidman had for the bugs she ate on-camera for a Vanity Fair piece: "Awesome. Like nothing you’ve ever tasted. Like...a hairy...nut." THE BLEMISH - It really *is* easy to forget that Blue Ivy is just six years old in this clip of her shushing her parents at the Grammys... VERY SMART BROTHAS - ...until you see the pics of Beyonce holding snacks and a juice box for her daughter during commercial breaks VOX - The Cleveland Indians are going to stop using their mascot, Chief Wahoo, beginning with the 2019 baseball season. Dan Snyder's double-down response forthcoming LAINEY GOSSIP - The dance Rihanna was doing at the Grammys is called Gwara Gwara; it's from South Africa. Here's that, plus a photo gallery of the woman doing what she does UPROXX - Norm Macdonald is apparently going to join the ranks of David Letterman with his very own talk show on Netflix. The only thing that could be better is if Norm just became Dave's permanent guest

DLISTED - Kandi Burruss never tried to go down on Kim Zolciak, says Kandi Burruss. They've also each claimed that the other woman is a full-on swinger. The RHOA pay raise drama rages on REALITY TEA - Speaking of Real Housewives, Dorit Kemsley has dropped the asking price of her Beverly Hills mansion a full $1.8 million dollars. It's been on the market for six months and she reportedly wants to sell "quickly," so if you've got a spare $10.8 million sitting around and are looking for a change of scene, give her a call CELEBITCHY - Megyn Kelly, who recently encouraged fat shaming among women "because it works," did a full George Costanza with her apology and now claims that every member of her family has been either overweight or obese. Which may be true, but a whiplash-inducing turnaround like that serves mostly to highlight Megyn's own issues instead of being a proper apology JEZEBEL - The reporting on the Aziz Ansari story (including the initial story itself) has become utterly confusing, so here's a helpful reminder of what journalism is supposed to do in situations like this. And, if nothing else, you should read this piece for its delicious takedown of one of this week's hot anti-#MeToo takes THE BLEMISH - We covered Kim Kardashian's surrogate giving birth yesterday, but the headline "Kim Kardashian Welcomes Baby Girl Via Kylie Jenner" was too great not to acknowledge. Give this man all your clicks VOX - Turns out willpower and self-control might be completely overrated and worthless to you. Silver lining: You can stop feeling guilty about being behind on your New Year's resolutions VERY SMART BROTHAS - If you're into true crime, deep dives into troubled stretches of history, or the city of Atlanta in general, you need to check out the Atlanta Murders podcast LAINEY GOSSIP - If Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin share a gentle frolic on a beach and no paparazzi is there to snap pictures from afar, is it gossip? UPROXX - A handful of concerned citizens want to take all the parts of California that aren't the coast and turn them into a new state called -- wait for it -- New California. Mexico probably still has dibs

DLISTED - ABC mainstay and Arrested Development debtor Modern Family will most likely end with its 10th season next year. The show's creators want to go out like Shakespeare and / or Frasier, meaning a birth, a death, or a wedding (or some combination of those things) REALITY TEA - Peggy Sulahian seems to think it's a lock that both she and Lydia McLaughlin will return for another season of The Real Housewives of Orange County, or she's just bored and looking for attention CELEBITCHY - Aziz Ansari says he's "surprised and concerned" to hear that the woman accusing him of sexual impropriety didn't interpret their first and only date the way he did. He also said "I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture," which is either courageous or ironic when you remember that the woman accusing him was inspired to do so after seeing him wearing a #TimesUp pin at the Golden Globes JEZEBEL - Parents in southern California were arrested after one of their emaciated, malnourished, abused children escaped the house where she'd been shackled to a bed and led authorities back to rescue her twelve trapped siblings THE BLEMISH - Regina Simons, who was an extra in the 1994 Steven Seagal movie On Deadly Ground, says Seagal raped her at his house after inviting her to a wrap party where she turned out to be the only guest VOX - Turns out the reason for chocolate's current rep as a superfood is a whole bunch of scientific studies funded by the chocolate industry going back three decades. Bonus: this explainer is a video. Tell your friends! VERY SMART BROTHAS - Here's a list of important questions and observations you might have missed while being entertained by Grown-ish's latest episode -- including, but not limited to, "What time is 'Ho time'?" LAINEY GOSSIP - The Handmaid's Tale's second season debuts in April, and the first trailer has fans simultaneously overjoyed (because The Handmaid's Tale!) and super bummed (because it is some heavy duty stuff). So, if you need cheering up after watching the chocolate conspiracy video, you might want to wait on this UPROXX - Many a Star Wars fanboy was enraged when Disney decided to scrap the entire extended universe. If they hadn't, though, they would have had to explain how Chewbacca died when a moon fell on him (?!). And while it would have been awesome to see how they handled that, maybe getting rid of everything that wasn't a feature-length motion picture in favor of something simpler was for the best

DLISTED - Out with Christmas Boobs of Instagram and in with Instagram Crossushi, which is a sushi roll inside a croissant. This food craze to be followed closely by Nuts And Gum REALITY TEA - Enjoy this photo gallery of the Love & Hip Hop Miami screening party, which looks like it was a gorgeous good time full of people only pretending to get along until they film the reunion special CELEBITCHY - Donald Trump is using Twitter to warn-brag North Korea's Kim Jong Un of Trump's "powerful Nuclear Button." I know there's an emasculatory clitoris joke to be made in there somewhere, but now I'm too frightened by the possibility of nuclear conflict to find it JEZEBEL - In unrelated and far happier news: Ellen Page got married to her girlfriend Emma Portner, congrats! THE BLEMISH - This story about Brad Pitt using his real name when he flirts reminds me of the time Paul McCartney talked about taking The Beatles on the road to play a bunch of middle-of-nowhere clubs, and how nobody would recognize them because they'd wear wigs and only do covers VOX - The "bomb cyclone" currently bearing down on America's entire Eastern Seaboard is "just a bad storm with good branding" -- so, to those of you in its path, we hope you're still able to read this LAINEY GOSSIP - 43-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio and his (latest) 20-year-old model girlfriend Camila Morrone continue to insist -- after spending New Year's together, then traveling back to LA together on a private jet -- that they are just friends THE SUPERFICIAL - In an effort to deter thieves, Kim Kardashian wants it known that her latest mansion has a strict no-jewelry policy. I'm trying the same thing with high-gravity beers this year in an effort to deter hangovers UPROXX - For anyone annoyed by Coachella's rock-free 2018 lineup, here's a helpful reminder that the festival has been going pop-friendly for years

DLISTED - Taylor Swift jacked up the ticket prices for the Reputation tour and is having a harder time selling them than she did for the 1989 tour, but her "Verified Fan" program is probably more than making up the difference in revenue. So, here's to greed REALITY TEA - Enjoy this photo gallery featuring what a whole bunch of reality stars, from the casts of Vanderpump Rules to Dancing With The Stars to just about every Real Housewife, were doing on New Year's Eve CELEBITCHY - Carrie Underwood just disclosed that she needed 40 stitches to her face after suffering a bad fall outside her home last November, and her fans are freaking out JEZEBEL - Take a breath: Chocolate is probably not actually going to go extinct in the next 50 years, even with climate change denial leading the way THE BLEMISH - This poor bastard gave the whitest possible pronunciation of "Gangsta" and lost a bunch of money on Jeopardy! as a result VOX - Here's what California's newly legal marijuana industry means for legalization in the rest of the United States VERY SMART BROTHAS - Whether it actually will be one of the big questions of American life in 2018 is yet to be seen, but one of the big questions of American life in 2018 should be "Why won't Twitter suspend Donald Trump's account?" THE SUPERFICIAL - Paris Hilton's boyfrield Chris Zylka proposed to her with a $2 million, 20-karat engagement ring...while they were standing on the shady side of a ski resort. Here's a tip for anyone out there, rich or otherwise, thinking about getting married: Break out the engagement ring in a place where light will actually shine on it UPROXX - Christian Bale's response to Ben Affleck's version of Batman -- he hasn't seen it, and he thought his son wanted to see it, "but then I realized he just wanted to see the trailer and that was it" -- has me wanting to check the burn center closest to Affleck's home