RETURN TO AMISH Sabrina regains custody of daughter Oakley

We have some really great news to report for fans of Breaking Amish and Return To Amish as show star Sabrina High has just regained custody of her two-year-old daughter Oakley after months of sobriety.

“I was granted full physical custody of Oakley this morning by the courts and the state,” Sabrina proudly declared on Facebook on Friday. She continued: “I have no words to express my complete gratitude ❤ Thank You Jesus ??? On the way to pick her up now and take her home ❤ Thank you everyone for your support ? I officially have my Oakley back ❤❤❤❤”

We first reported on Sabrina’s sobriety back in November, at which point she had been clean for months and had moved back in with her parents. In September, Sabrina revealed that she was on track to regain custody of her daughter Oakley, but the process would take a while.

“I am definitely going to be getting Oakley back,” Sabrina wrote at the time, after getting the good news at a court appearance. “Within the next couple of months the visits will begin to increase and she will come home then. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing and they are pleased with my progress 🙂 ”

As we previously announced, Sabrina will be on Return To Amish when it comes back this summer, and hopefully the show will do a good job at capturing her personal struggles and triumphs. This is one of those times where “reality” television has the opportunity to get very “real,” and I hope they don’t miss the opportunity.

We are EXTREMELY excited for — and proud of — Sabrina! We’ve followed her story closely since it was first announced she would be on Breaking Amish, including her violent relationship with Oakley’s father, Harry Kreiser III, all the way through her road to sobriety.

We’ve become huge fans over the past couple years, due mostly to how honest and forthcoming Sabrina has been online. She has shared so much with her fans about her struggles, humbly admitting the mistakes in her past while always trying to remain positive and focused on her future. If you are not currently following her personal Facebook page or her Hope For Recovery Facebook page, I highly recommend that you do!

And speaking of those Facebook pages, here are two entries from last month that demonstrate just how much of her heart Sabrina is willing to share:

Forgiveness & Unconditional Love

It was so hard for me to forgive the person that called Children and Youth on me, as well as did some other things to me that weren’t exactly kind. I lost personal belongings that had deep sentimental value, my dog, and most importantly, my precious baby all in the same year due to this person being determined to hurt me at whatever the cost.

I was so worried I would never be able to move past that. I felt betrayed, hurt, and misunderstood. I knew this person was out to get me and I wanted to know why. I just didn’t understand why they were being so cruel and I had no idea how I was going to ever get past it.

Regardless of WHY they did these things, in the end it did not matter anyway. Now that I look back, I am super super thankful for the fact that it happened. Thanks to them, I am millions of miles ahead of where I used to be. I was able to work thru trauma from my childhood that had never been resolved, as well as deal with the other painful things that happened to me later on in life. Not only that, I now know what it’s like to not have to depend on a pill or a needle filled with heroin, to get me thru the day when life seems too difficult to bear.

Thanks to them, I am not only alive, I am also thriving. I am becoming the person I was meant to be and none of this would have been possible if it wasn’t for the fact that this one person told me they were going to get me in trouble and then proceeded to do so. You did get me in trouble, but thanks to you, my troubles have now been lifted and I am a new creature in Christ. Old things have passed away and I have been reborn and made new.

The best thing about all of this is the fact that I am now able to be the Mama that Oakley deserves and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our relationship is so much stronger because of everything we have been thru. You can either look at the positive or the negative and I choose to be positive from this day forward. You can continue to try to hurt me and knock me down, but I will always continue to rise.

My conscience is finally clear and that has made all the difference ❤ God was able to open my eyes and allow me to see the person that did those things to hurt me; thru His eyes I was able to see the sad, hopeless person that was there. Instead of using my eyes, which only saw the evil inside the person that did all those things, I now see their hurt and sadness and I understand them and their actions in a way that I never did before.

I am a living testimony to the fact that no matter how far gone you are or how far gone you THINK you are, you can always turn it around and become who God wants you to be. No, my life is not anywhere close to being perfect, but I continue to be the best person that I can be. God lives inside of me and no matter how dark life gets sometimes, He is always there to guide me thru the valleys and gives me the courage to keep on keeping on.

I used to believe that God sat up in the sky with a big stick just waiting to pounce on me as soon as I did something wrong. The biggest lesson I have learned thru all of this is the fact that God loves me unconditionally. God loves me for me. Unconditional love is the real reason I am clean today. By learning how and why God loves me, thru that I was able to learn to love myself.

I used to hate myself. I thought I deserved to suffer. Sticking a needle in my arm was the only thing I was good for. I was an addict. The scum of society. I was homeless. Digging around in a dumpster solidified in my mind that I was nothing more than a giant piece of trash. I thought I didn’t deserve to live. I wanted to die. I was just waiting for the day that I would stick a needle in my arm and fall asleep. Every time I would overdose and someone would slap me awake, or if I would wake up on my own, I would get so depressed and angry. I wondered why I wasn’t allowed to just die. Nobody wanted me here anyway. I was just a giant waste of space. I thought my daughter did not deserve the f**ked up piece of sh!t that I believed that I was.

All those thoughts stemmed from unresolved pain that I had never dealt with in life. Once I learned to deal with my pain and actually let it out, I was able to heal. Sometimes you hurt and you don’t even know it. I will never forget the day my counselor forced me to talk about my divorce. I sat there and sobbed like a broken-hearted little girl. I thought I had dealt with it but here I had just buried it.

Crying is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. Crying it out lets the pain out and you are able to move on. I am so thankful that I was able to cry about that. A lot of people say that I cry easily, which is partially true. However, when I had cried before, it was due to the fact that my wounds were so deep and festered that one little poke would make them ooze and I would cry. With other wounds I had convinced myself I was ok. I obviously was not ok. Forgetting about things and refusing to deal with them does not make you ok. It poisons your body, your spirit, and your mind.

Allow yourself to remember the pain. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. And then you will heal. It is the only way to truly grow and blossom into the beautiful soul that you are meant to become ❤? I am grateful for the second chance I have been given and the fact that I get to be a Mama to my precious Oakley ❤

Self hatred is a trap from the Devil himself. He makes you believe those things about yourself to keep you from having Victory. He doesn’t want you to succeed. He wants you to fail. Wanting to die was taking the easy way out. Simply put, it was selfish. I didn’t want to have to work thru my pain and I didn’t want to have to take responsibility for the person that I had become. Addiction comes from unresolved pain. I agree with that. However, refusing to deal with your pain is also a form of selfishness.

I get that some people may not agree with this post but this is how I see it. I didn’t know how to deal with my pain, but I was also too proud to cry about it or to ask for help. I thought if I would just bury it everything would be ok. Refusing to deal with painful memories hurts not only you, but everyone around you. Growing up and taking responsibility for your actions is the only way to make it thru. It’s kinda like the person who drives drunk, even tho they KNOW deep down inside that they probably shouldn’t do it. Then, when they wreck and kill someone, they have to face the consequences of their actions and choices. No, they never meant to kill anyone. But they made the choice to drink and drive.

Unresolved pain is the same way. You don’t mean to hurt others, but you do anyway. And the only way out of that is to walk thru it. Even tho it’s unintentional, you still have to man/woman up, and work thru the pain and accept responsibility for your actions. It’s the only thing that will ever change your life! Even tho you were not the one who caused your pain and the wounds inside of your heart, you still have the choice as to whether or not you will deal with that pain in the right way. It’s a hard lesson to learn and I am still learning every single day. Never ever give up!!!!! ??

Reaction to the “What Is Gaslighting” article on DomesticShelters.org:

This is a really good article! If you are one of those people who have always wondered why it is so hard for a woman who is in an abusive relationship to leave that relationship, read this! It will help you understand it from a different perspective.

I went thru this and it is extremely difficult to explain exactly how it happens, but this article does a pretty good job of explaining it. Summed up, your mind is beaten down so much and it becomes impossible for you to trust anyone. You can’t even trust yourself. The man will manipulate you into truly believing that there is something wrong with you. And that there is something wrong with your head.

You get to the point that you think you must be hearing things. You think you have gone crazy. And then you feel so ashamed by all of it and then you are just so relieved that your abuser still wants to actually be with you! Even if you are “crazy”! It’s so screwed up and its hard to imagine allowing yourself to get to that point. But it happened to me, which means it can also happen to anyone else.

Before you ever believe what anyone else says about you, THINK IT THROUGH. The next time someone tells you that you are crazy, or makes you feel like you are losing your mind, tell them that you are going to make an appointment to see the mental health doctor. If they refuse to allow it, or try to make it so that you cannot speak to the doctor alone, then you know that you most defintely are NOT crazy and that they just want to make you feel like you are, to be able to control you. Because if you are truly crazy, chances are you would already be seeing a shrink or have a diagnosis of mental illness and/or possibly even be in an institution.

Besides, I truly believe that we all have our very own specific level of craziness 😉 Whether you suffer from mental illness or not, it is NEVER anything to be ashamed of in the first place. Never allow anyone to determine your self worth based on things that are beyond your control!! Everyone has their own demons and even though we do not all struggle with exactly the same things, we still all have personal struggles that we deal with on a daily basis. It is so much easier when we stick together and know that even though our struggles are all different, we can unite in the fact that none of us have to face those struggles all alone ❤? We can find strength in one another and learn from each other and by doing so we can create a better world ?