Who is Karl Welzein?

Just when you think these here interwebs are plum out of hilarious ideas you come across something so consistently funny you feel compelled to share it. There’s an underground Twitter account that I have no doubt will soon be a daily must check for all of us out there who are in need of a daily guffaw combined with some life perspective.

It is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. Karl Welzein, he goes by the Twitter handle @DadBoner and his consistent reveals about his daily life are the stuff of comic gold. As far as I can tell no one knows for sure if he’s real or the virtual brain child of someone funnier than you or I but in the end that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is how pleasurably predictable and uninspiring his tweet-sharing is. Let me give you a brief but simultaneously thorough bio of Karl. But first here’s a little theme music for my main man:

Karl is a middle-aged man from Michigan. He calls himself Cap’n Karl and he’s going through what you might call a mid-life crisis of sorts. Karl has recently separated from his wife Ann and is living with his bachelor buddy Dave. His life is a back and forth existential crisis between the love and feeling of obligation to his kids and his unfazed passion for cold ones, various types of bowel movements and franchised restaurants. Imagine a Walker Percy character who only communicates through Twitter. You could call him the Twittergoer.

He’s put together a narrative that is so developed that you’ll find yourself hoping for the best for Karl even though you’re convinced he isn’t real. That type of skill is nothing short of a masterpiece. Enough build up. Here is a sampling of ten of my most recent favorite Karl Welzein tweets:

I think you catch my drift and catch Karl’s smooth draft. You can follow Karl via his Twitter account here but be warned, once you are engrossed in the day-to-day life of our Michigan man you will never be the same.