MUG SHOT Florida woman smears dog poop on neighbor in fight over dog poop

It’s perhaps the most sickening crime that Florida’s long, stinky history has ever produced: A Boca Raton woman has been arrested and charged with assault and battery after smearing dog poop on her neighbor’s face in the middle of a fight. Amy Goldberg, 57, got into an alteration with an unnamed neighbor over–what else?–dog poop late on one recent afternoon.

Goldberg lives in an (allegedly) upscale golf community there in Boca Raton. When she noticed a woman walking her dog past Goldberg’s yard, and further noticed the dog dropping a solid on the yard, Goldberg decided to take action. She flushed herself out of her home, demanded that the neighbor clean up the mess–and then took matters quite literally into her own hands, smearing the doggy doo all over the dog owner’s “hands and shirt.”

Goldberg has been charged with assault of a person 65 years of age or older, which somehow makes this whole story even sadder and more disgusting. In her defense, Goldberg claimed that the dog walker smeared the poo on herself, of her own volition, because apparently that is what people do for fun in Boca Raton? That is seriously the claim of an insane person. And, while golf communities do call to mind Eagleton, this was truly a Pawnee move.

Goldberg posted bail shortly after being booked. No word on how many times the Sheriff’s Department made her wash her hands before releasing her back into the wild.

(Photo Credits: Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office; Wikipedia)