Nadya Suleman explains why she had to ‘kill’ Octomom

Nadya Suleman, who now goes by the name Natalie Suleman, is speaking out about her struggles to support her 14 children.

The now 41-year-old who gave birth to octuplets via IVF after already having 6 children, also via IVF, became a media sensation. At first she was a medical marvel, having the only known full set of octuplets to live past their first week. She was labeled “Octomom” by the media and rode her fame in an attempt to help support all of her kids.

Suleman tried her hand at adult films and celebrity boxing among other things. She was eventually charged with welfare fraud for not reporting income in 2014. She plead no contest and was sentenced to 200 hours of community service and two years of probation.

Since that time she has stayed out of the spotlight. In a lengthy interview posted today via The Daily Mail, Suleman talked in great detail about her regrets in regards to some of her choices while also defending herself against critics who’ve argued that she’s just gamed the system and been a selfish burden on taxpayers.

Why she played up the role of Octomom:

“Everything I ever did was for money to put food on the table. Everyone thinks I had all these donations and help but I didn’t – I did everything on my own and paid everything out of my own pocket so I was Octomom for four years. The last two years of it were so dark. I descended down a very dark and destructive path.”

How these decisions led to a Xanax addiction:

“I fully exploited and dehumanized myself with the porn and the stripping. I was so desperate we were on the verge of homelessness, so rather than put my kids in front of the camera I decided to put myself out there… The consequence of exploiting myself was deep toxic shame and self disgust. To continue I had to numb and that’s when I started with the prescription drugs… I wasn’t able to exploit myself and do what I was doing without it, which became a problem – it wasn’t healthy.”

Owning up to having plastic surgery:

“I admit I’ve had plastic surgery but not half of what the media have said I had… I had a breast augmentation after breastfeeding three kids, which I paid for myself as I was working… I had a tummy tuck after the octuplets after a media outlet promised me $100,000 to pose nude… I have had no work on my face but I admit that in 2008 I injected my lips and it looked horrible. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. In 2009 I did it again because a media outlet paid me… I was so embarrassed I denied it, but it feels so freeing to finally tell the truth. I don’t want my girls to go down the path of plastic surgery and wanting to change themselves.”

How her children motivated her to leave the life of Octomom behind:

“It was like I’d escaped prison. That character of Octomom was dead… We packed up all our things and I quit my manager… I’d rather be homeless with 14 kids living in my van than allow any of my girls, my daughters to go down the path I had gone down… If I had stayed in that life I might be dead right now.”

Suleman went on to claim that her welfare charges were due to her management company mishandling her finances. She explained how her mom died in her arms of Ovarian cancer and that her father threatened to drink himself to death. She added that she took him in to help and that he fell down their stairs after someone smuggled him in alcohol and that his resulting injuries have left him paralyzed.

Her response to those who claim she’s an unfit mother:

“I’ve been working for three and a half years and people think I’m a lazy welfare recipient… Before that I worked as a psychiatric nurse for a decade – altogether on and off I’ve been in the helping profession for over 20 years…We still get a little welfare – we get food stamps… There’s a misconception of welfare. Everyone thinks people on welfare don’t work but welfare is supplemental. My kids eat three times the amount that food stamps provide so I have to work to feed them… I’ve been helping drug addicts and alcoholics, so I’m doing the hard work not the easy exploitative work. I’m back to who I am.”

“If I weren’t a fit mom I would have given up on my kids years ago. I would have died of a drug overdose… I have stayed strong for them. My kids know what I did as Octomom I tell them the truth. I’ve told them I’ve done some very bad and shameful things and they say, ‘It’s okay mom we love you anyway and we’ll always love you.’ They know I did it for them. We don’t have kid conversations, we have deep and intellectual conversations about all of this. They are so smart and so aware.”

Not stopping there, Suleman detailed how her doctor, who later lost his medical license because of his work with Nadya, was the one who insisted on her having 12 embryos implanted instead of 6. She said she had 6 each time prior and only one, or two in the case of her twins, took. “I admit that I made many mistakes in my life and that I’m imperfect. I make mistakes constantly. But my children were not a mistake – they were meant to be here,” she said.