DLISTED – Lana Del Rey’s new boyfriend is Sargeant Sean Larkin from A&E’s smash hit reality cop series Live PD. Sean’s nickname could use some work (blame his captain), he is an actual cop, and he and Lana look cute together
CELEBITCHY – Greta Thunberg is like the kid who outsmarts the bumbling adults in every kid-centered movie by using overwhelming earnestness, except this movie is real and the stakes are whether or not we all melt into flesh puddles by the start of the next century. And — for now it least — it…seems to be working!
VOX – The first proper trailer for the upcoming Breaking Bad movie El Camino is here, and it is dope
JEZEBEL – This story is so bananas I’ll just butcher it if I try to give a synopsis; the headline is bad enough: “Parents Accused of Abandoning Their 9-Year-Old Child Say She Was Actually a Fully-Grown, Mentally Unwell Adult”
LAINEY GOSSIP – Joaquin Phoenix should probably be better prepared to answer questions about Joker‘s potential to inspire violence, especially given the Batman franchise’s unfortunate real-life history
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “USA Network Announces New Trainers for Biggest Loser Reboot; Bob Harper Joins As Host”
GO FUG YOURSELF – Now that you’ve had a day and change to digest all the 2019 Emmys fashion, here’s your chance to vote in the only fashion poll that matters: “Emmys 2019: Fug Nation’s Best Dressed”
REALITY TEA – Vanderpump Rules star Kristen Doute broke up with her boyfriend Brian Carter again, this time via a long Instagram post that got right into how emotionally messy the relationship was and still is
THE BLAST – A rich German car collector is suing Brian Austin Breen over a 1955 “Pre- A Reutter 1500cc (non-S) Speedster” Porche that apparently doesn’t have its original 1955 engine despite Green advertising the car as being 100% original
THE BLEMISH – I lose or break a pair of sunglasses about every other month; I only wish I had Lenny Kravitz’s social media pull in this department
(Photo credit: Lana Del Rey’s new boyfriend via Birdie Thompson / AdMedia / Janet Mayer / SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.