CELEBITCHY – Mitt Romney’s secret identity for Twitter purposes sounds like an alias Homer Simpson would think up on the fly and then wear a mustache for in person
THE BLAST – Nicki Minaj got married to…this guy?
REALITY TEA – Theresa and Joe Giudice are having a sit-down with Andy Cohen to air out all the rumors and gossip surrounding their relationship and its future. It’s unclear if Joe will be present thanks to Skype or if Andy and Teresa and a Bravo crew are schlepping all the way to Italy to film this (and the answer to that question will likely say a lot about the state of their marriage)
VOX – Here’s the final trailer for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, a clunky title if ever one was. This movie comes out four years after the first Star Wars reboot, something that thanks to Disney’s over-saturating the market and the general pace of the entertainment I honestly can’t even remember the title of right now
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Jersey Shore Star Jenni Farley Back Together with Boyfriend Zack Carpinello Days After Calling Him & Angelina Pivarnick ‘Idiots’ Online”
THE BLEMISH – Jennifer Aniston took to the Instagram game pretty quickly. She also got sixteen million followers in six days: “Next will come the sponsored posts for Smartwater and Tiffany & Co.”
DLISTED – Speaking of Instagram: Zooey Deschanel and her Property Brother are now IG-official. It occurs to me that everything I said about Star Wars above also applies to Property Brothers
JEZEBEL – Johnny Depp’s legal strategy against his ex Amber Heard and her claims of domestic abuse appear to be going poorly
LAINEY GOSSIP – This is only a disturbing headline because of how disturbing the story behind it is
GO FUG YOURSELF – ‘“I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and — this might be an usual request — but I was wondering if we could do something that was like Bjork’s swan dress. But, and this is the vital part, without the head.”’
(Photo credit: Mitt Romney’s secret identity via SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.