Dean McDermott admits he was suicidal

Tonight on True Tori, Dean McDermott halts production on the documentary series when he candidly speaks about his suicidal thoughts and emotional breakdown. He looks at a crack in the window at the therapists office, and recalls wanting to jump through the window while they waited for the ambulance to come get him.

After that, the therapist had to talk with the producers about the legal implications of airing that footage while Tori seemed upset with Dean that he brought his suicidal thoughts up. She thought that that was too personal, wondering if he regret it if the footage aired, and said that she thought they weren’t going to include it in the documentary. Dean seemed sure that he wanted to talk about that on camera, and said that he hoped it would help people who have those thoughts. Before he started talking about his suicide, the therapist tried to get Tori to be honest with Dean about her feelings about him cheating, but she said that she was scared to be honest because she was scared about what that would do to him. When the therapist asked him if he could handle Tori’s honesty, and he basically said no. “I’m scared to hear Tori’s true feelings. I’m so filled with self-loathing to begin with. Inside I feel like a rotten, twisted tree,” says Dean.

“I’ve shut down. I want to protect him,” Tori explained. “I feel bad.” It was immediately after that that Dean opened up about his breakdown and thoughts about hurting himself.

Later in the episode, Tori let Dean come back into the house for Liam’s birthday, but they decided not to sleep in the same room.