VIDEO Tina Fey’s sheetcaking protest against white supremacy is a thing of furious beauty

Tina Fey's sheetcaking protest 2

Saturday Night Live and University of Virginia alum Tina Fey closed out the latest episode of SNL’s Weekend Update summer edition with a jaw-loosening pro-cake, anti-Nazi speech that you really need to both hear (for its many tasty takedowns) and see (for the one-sided food fight) to appreciate.

A quick summary before we get out of the way and let the video speak for itself: Feeling outraged and anxious by the seeming rise of American white supremacy in the wake of the Charlottesville terror attack–and sickened by Donald Trump’s response? Channel all of your emotion into consuming an entire sheetcake all by your lonesome, and leave neo-Nazis twisting in the wind when no one shows up to watch their little parade. Calling Paul Ryan a “pussy” and Ann Coulter a “yard sale Barbie” and pointing out a few of the bigger flaws in Trump’s pro-Confederate logic are optional.


For good measure, the glory of posterity, and our own personal gratification, here’s the full transcript of Tina Fey’s sheetcaking protest, starting from the 55-second mark in the clip above:

TINA FEY: Thank you Colin, and, Che: I just want to say that I always come out on Colin’s side because it’s the better half of my face–but I feel like this week it’s important to be clear about that.

MICHAEL CHE: Still not buying it, Tina. Not buying it at all.

COLIN JOST: Now, Tina, you graduated from UVA in 1992.

TINA: Yes, Colin. It’s a beautiful school, and I have nothing but fond memories of my time there. And–I graduated a virgin, and I still liked it. That’s how good the architecture is down there. So it broke my heart to see these evil forces descend upon Charlottesville. And then our president, Donald John Trump–which, I don’t think people talk enough about what a stupid, jackass name that is. It does *not* flow–Donald John? Whatever, he gets away with it ’cause he’s gorgeous.

Anyway, Donnie John comes out, and he says that he condemns violence on many sides. On many sides, Colin. And I’m feeling sick. ‘Cause, you know. I’ve seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, and, uh, I wasn’t confused by it. No, Colin, Nazis are always bad–I don’t care what you say.

COLIN: …Well, *I* don’t say…

TINA: Then, we hear that there’s nine more alt-right rallies planned around the country this Saturday, including one in Washington Square Park. And part of me hopes these neo-Nazis do try it in New York City? Like, I hope they try it and get the ham salad kicked out of them by a bunch of drag queens? ‘Cause, ’cause you know what a drag queen still is? A six-foor-four black man.

But, at the same time, I don’t want any more good people to get hurt. And I know a lot of us are feeling anxious, and we’re asking ourselves, like, ‘What can I do? I’m just one person–what can I do?’ And so, I would urge people this Saturday, instead of participating in the screaming matches and potential violence, find a local business you support. Maybe, a Jewish-run bakery, or, an-African-American run…bakery. Order a cake with the American flag on it–like this one–and, um…just eat it, Colin.

COLIN: Wait–I’m sorry; how is that supposed to help?

TINA (mouth overfull with cake): Love is love, Colin.

COLIN: I’m sorry, what?

TINA: And then, next time, when you see a bunch of white boys, boys in polo shirts screaming about taking our country back, and you want to scream, ‘It’s not our country–we stole it. We stole it from the Native Americans. And when they have a peaceful protest at Standing Rock, we shoot at them with rubber bullets. But we let you chinless turds march through the streets with semi-automatic weapons.’ When you want to yell that, don’t yell it at the Klan, Colin. Yell it into the cake. (Screams into cake) Then, when Ann Coulter crawls out of her roach motel, and says, ‘Uh, antifa attacked Republicans in Berkeley,’ and you’re like, ‘OK, yard sale Barbie, but the other side is Nazis and Klansmen. And also, who drove the car into the crowd? Hillary’s e-mails?’

COLIN: Well, you know, they’ve already canceled some of these new rallies.

TINA: You see? It’s working already. Sheetcaking is a grassroots movement, Colin. Most of the women I know have been doing it once a week since the election. And don’t worry, guys–by the way–don’t worry. Some of the people in Charlottesville weren’t Klansmen–they were independent militias! Yeah! Did you know there’s over 250 well-armed militias across the US that are ready to mobilize at any time? Yeah! Guess what, Che–they’re not cops. No! They’re not cops, Che–they’re just militias and they train themselves.

CHE: Gimme some of that damn cake. (Reaches across the desk, grabs huge handful of cake, starts eating it)

TINA: (Slaps more cake down on the desk for Che) And you know what I say? I say, oh, you know, where’s Paul Ryan in all this? Right? You’re supposed to be like the cool, young Congressman in all this, but you don’t know how to @ somebody on Twitter? ‘Racism is bad @realDonaldJTrump, you pussy.’ Then, then Donnie Johnny says we need to defend our country’s ‘beautiful Confederate monuments’ when you know he would take ’em down in a second if he thought he could build a bunch of poorly constructed condos on the spot. Google ‘Trump Bonwit Teller,’ okay? And then your family says, ‘Oh, mom, you need to calm down,’ and then you start to feel powerless–and that is when you need to dip a grilled cheese into the cake. (Does so)

COLIN: And…and are you gonna stay until, like, the whole cake is gone, or…?

TINA: In conclusion. I really want to say–to encourage all good, sane Americans to treat these rallies this weekend like the opening of a thoughtful movie with two female leads: Don’t show up. Let these morons scream into the empty air. I love you Charlottesville, and, as Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘Who’s that hot light-skinned girl over by the butter churn?’

(Photo credits: Tina Fey’s sheetcaking protest via Saturday Night Live on YouTube)

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  • Mothership3

    Ugh seriously??? Another liberal run site…. refusing to see the facts that ANTIFA and BLM are just as racist, YES RACIST, as the Nazi’s.. If you’re going to call out one you have to call out ALL. Trump was spot on saying BOTH sides bare to blame. SPOT ON! Like it or not, the Nationalists had a valid permit that day, and no I do NOT support them nor am I white, but they had a valid permit to be there and have their stupid speech/march/protest.. the ANTIFA and BLM thugs showed up for a fight and well they got what they wanted. If they had stayed away none of that violence would have occurred and no life would have been lost because there would have been no crowd to drive a car into, which by the way there is video of those thugs pounding on the car with bats etc.. BEFORE he ever rammed into the crowd. Bottom line it was a nasty horrific day but it takes 2 sides to have a fight not 1, so YES BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME ! Sick to death of the media and these ignorant celebrities

    • ameliaBedelia76

      go eat a sheet cake, you might feel better

      • Mothership3

        Ha ha thanks I feel just fine and cake is fattening.. just sick of this crap and the ignorance.

    • Dana Marie

      You really believe that has no counter protesters had showed up it would have been peaceful? Seriously? You are talking about the KKK. If you chose to march with a flag that symbolizes the death of millions of people, strictly based on the color of their skin, then you’re surprised that others are violent towards you. Really? lmao Also ANTIFA and BLM protests had permits as well.

      • Krystianna

        Actually there was a pretty small number of KKK assholes there, but a good amount of counter protestors like myself ??. Now I will say that the group of counter protesters I was with were peaceful, but I refuse to cover up for ANTIFA. Yeah they were on my “side” but they were looking for a fight. I’m not going to defend a group that believes in STARTING the actual physical violence. What the Klan/Neo Nazis were saying was extremely hurtful and ignorant, but they didn’t throw the first punch…ANTIFA memebers were blood thirsty that day. By inciting violence, you lost all respect from me.

        • Dana Marie

          So you don’t believe protesters marching with flags that represent the worst parts of American history weren’t looking for a fight? Neither side was right, I don’t agree with violence. That being said, ANTIFA targets fascists. The alt-right, white supremacists, white nationalists, etc. oppress and target those that are different from them. They aren’t really comparable to ANTIFA.

      • Mothership3

        Um yeah it would have been peaceful.. they wouldn’t fight themselves..good lord.. And ANTIFA is a violent hate filled group, same as BLM and they did NOT have permits that day. They showed up with clubs, urine filled bottle grenades etc and were looking to start something. Pull your head out and face the FACTS! ALL of these groups are hate filled idiots ALL OF THEM!

    • sysmjp

      Wow, you guys are f* stupids. 1) ANTIFA and BLM can protest wherever they want as well — not stay locked in their house to avoid violence from “white” infants 2) They have more balls than you bc they actually got off their ass and did something against these losers unlike you sitting in your house ranting nonsense and supporting them with stupidity 3) Funny how both sides allegedly showed up “to fight” but it was only one side where human beings were beaten, injured and died. A car being beaten is no excuse, call the police like a civilized human being. Stupid b*.

      • Mothership3

        Ha ha wow.. nice reply.. and thanks for once again proving my point.. ignorance at its finest..

        • sysmjp

          Ignorance of? Nevermind. I am sure there is no point and I am not the least bit surprised.

    • Shanaynay

      LOVE your comment!!! Totally agree! ???