VIDEO – The conspiracy theories of Evi and Randy Quaid

Everyone thought that Evi and Randy Quaid have fled to Canada because they’re on the run from legal consequences for squatting, felony burglary, and evading payment for hotel stays over the past year or so, but they say it’s because there are much more dark and sinister reasons why they chose to leave the U.S.

And it’s not just one person, or group of people, but scores of different organized crime and greedy individuals that mean to do them, Mel Gibson, and tons of other innocent celebrities, in.

Everyone from an embezzling estate planner to businessmen who want to sell ad space are among the people they’re afraid of. Here’s a more thorough list of the conspiracies the Quaids spouted on Good Morning America Monday morning, and Friday while at a Canadian hearing seeking asylum from “Star Whackers.”

• They are Hollywood refugees

• Their estate planner is trying to kill them so they can inherit Randy’s royalty streams.

• Half of their friends, including Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, David Carradine, Natasha Richardson, and Michael Jackson, have been murdered by a mysterious Hollywood group called “Star Whackers”

• These “Star Whackers” have not only been described simply as “Hollywood,” but also as businessmen wishing to sale ad space, which implies that executives in the media have formed a mafia and are murdering celebrities to get headlines and page views

• Not only does this Hollywood Star Whacker Businesman Mafia Media kill celebrities, but before they do that they tap their phones and hack into their computers

• Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Mel Gibson may be next. (Also, Mel Gibson was drugged by this group, not himself, when ranting to Oksana).

• Oksana Grigorieva was sent by this group to destroy Mel Gibson financially, and in the eyes of the public.

• They are not on drugs, or mentally unbalanced (well, except for the fact that Randy has recently expressed that Evi “needs help” and at one point tells her to shut up during this interview).

They also deny stealing from hotels, even though there is a long list of evidence that they have, and blame their current financial troubles on their financial advisers. To get a better understanding of the situation, or for review, click here to read The Daily Beast’sdetailed timeline of the Quaid’s madcap lives over the past year.

Evi currently has a bench warrant out for her arrest, and her bail has been forfeited after they missed a third court appearance Tuesday.  According to the video below, Randy is hoping to get an acting gig in Canada.

CLICK HERE to see mug shots of Evi and Randy Quaid.

Photo credit: REUTERS/Andy Clark