David Eason stabs himself playing knife game, retracts anti-authority threats after being blocked from Instagram

Former Teen Mom 2 dad David Eason continues to send mixed messages, this time by announcing during a Facebook live video that he isn’t actually an idiot just after stabbing his finger playing the knife game. In addition to assuring everyone how stupid he isn’t, David also did some MAJOR backtracking on some of his previous statements and threats as he affirmed his continued support for Donald Trump and stated that the authorities are always welcome on The Land.

Before we move on to David’s clarifications, let’s get the video of him stabbing himself out of the way. David shared the finger prick clips on Instagram as he fondly reminisced about how much fun it was to jab a knife between his fingers as quickly as possible when he was younger.

“Remember this game?” he asked. “Haven’t done it in years,” he added, along with a “lmao.” It seems that lengthy time off has made David’s stabscotch skills a little rusty — unlike his knife. You can click here to watch the clip on Instagram — but be warned that it does contain some blood and dangerous levels of dumb.

“So now you guys are worried about my finger,” David would later update. “It’s OK. I didn’t hurt myself,” he said in a brief Facebook video in which he showed his post-stab digit. “It’s just a nick.” [Let’s just hope that David doesn’t have fond childhood memories of playing Russian Roulette.]

It turns out that stabbing himself was the last thing David was able to do on Instagram before he was locked out of his account. Because of being blocked, David was forced to slum it on Facebook Live in order to clarify all the misconceptions people had about his social media activity over the last few days.

In case you missed it, David made headlines on Friday after The Land was visited by the Secret Service in response to an Instagram video David posted firing an automatic weapon with a caption that tagged U.S. President Donald Trump. The visit inspired David to post a series of videos in which he showed off his arsenal of weapons and ammunition as he proudly boasted about the “fire and fury” awaiting anyone else who came on his property without an invitation, a call ahead, or a warrant.

Here’s an excerpt from David’s ramblings:

Now, you Secret Service mother f**kers, you wouldn’ta came down here if my gate was closed. And if you did, I woulda started shootin’ at you because I wouldn’t know who you was! Are you gonna come back? I don’t think so. And you can be mad. You can take that as a threat if you want to. But you already know that anybody that comes on my property is trespassing, is liable to get f**king killed. Anybody…

Now, I don’t care if you’re the police, if you’re the mother f**kin’ S.W.A.T. team, if you’re the President himself, my momma — I don’t give a f**k who you are, you don’t come on my property unless you call me first! And from now on, the gate is always locked.

It seems that the internet completely misinterpreted David’s talkin’ words by assuming they meant what they mean according to Webster’s Dictionary, so that’s what David wanted to clear up.

He begins by referencing his caption to the photo of himself spooning a shotgun which concluded with the following line:

I hope and pray that nobody ever tries to trespass on my property as they will be met with fire and fury, the likes of which they have never seen before.

David says that was a reference to a Donald Trump quote (about North Korea) and he didn’t really mean it. “I’m not stupid enough that I would ever engage in a fire fight with any sort of police authority or S.W.A.T. or f**king anything like that,” David insists. “I’m not that stupid. Even if they came to my house, there wouldn’t be an issue. I wouldn’t be opening fire on them. What I meant in that comment was: Anyone who comes on my property who does not identify themselves — and you come past my gate — I will take it as a threat.”

David says that he was actually quite intimidated when the Secret Service came to visit, due in part to the fact that they were driving a “very suspicious looking” all black unmarked car. “I mean, I was scared to death before I even opened the door!” David says. He then gets a bit sidetracked by how disrespectful the agents were with their parking.

“They pulled all the way up in my grass just about!” David exclaims. “Like, almost close to my house. They didn’t stay on the driveway, which is something that really annoys me. If you come to my house, you stay on the driveway. You know, that’s kinda common sense, you would do that just out of common respect.”

David later reveals that he invited the agents into the house:

The Secret Service came in the house, and I invited them in! I had no problem. I told them, “Just take your shoes off at the door because it’s muddy.” And then they said, “I guess you know why we’re here.”

I’m like, “No, I have no idea why you would be here.” And at first I thought they said they were S.B.I. or something. I don’t know, I saw badges and I was just like, “What? Alright, go on in. I don’t care.”

So then, they’re like, “Oh yeah, you posted a video and you were shooting a gun and put #Trump.”

And I’m like, “So what? I can put # any damn thing I want to! Why has that got anything to do with you?”

David’s warm invitation while he was “scared to death” came just prior to him filming a video while the agents were pulling away in which David showed off the fact that he was carrying a pistol before telling the agents “F**k you” and giving them the middle finger.

Here are some more highlights from David’s Facebook Live session, broken down by topic:


I can’t really post anything on Instagram. I was about to jump on Instagram Live and then it was, like: “Oh, error message. The government’s trying to hack your account because they think you’re up to something.” What could I possibly be up to? I take care of my kids every day, and I homeschool Maryssa every day…I’ve got so much going on that — and you would think the Secret Service would have so much going on — that there’s a lot better things to do than for them to worry about me, or for me to have to worry about them. That’s some total bulls**t. You know, they got a lot bigger fish to fry than to worry about coming out to Riegelwood to f**k with me for no damn reason.

And like I said, they got a lot bigger fish to fry than me, so they might as well take their business on about the other way, and Instagram might as well go ahead and let me use my account. And you know what? If Instagram doesn’t give me my account back, if they shut it down, then I’ll just go to YouTube, and I’ll start making videos EVERY F**KING DAY! and I’ll just talk sh*t about everyone who talks sh*t about me, and I’ll make it very interesting. Very interesting. I’ll go through all these articles, I’ll go through all your dumbass comments, and I’ll let you ALL know what I think!


What I meant, is any kind of trespassers that come down my driveway, around my gate — unidentified, and you’re not invited — you best believe we’re gonna be in a fight! But, on the other hand, police have came in my driveway before, I talked to them from down here until I figure out why they’re here, and then I walk down to the end of the driveway, or I drive down there — it’s not a big deal to me.


[No actual quote here, but David talked for a bit about how many MAGA hats he has, and even a MAGA hoodie. He says he would still be making pro Donald Trump posts on Instagram if he was allowed to post on Instagram.]


All I was saying is they don’t need to be banning parts of guns, because once you start banning parts of guns, then you start banning all the guns. And, you know, I love guns. I don’t want people to start banning AR-15s because the AR-15 ban is going to include a whole bunch of other guns — mostly all semi-automatics — and, you know, that’s what people just don’t realize. So, I was just trying to be a gun advocate, and trying to show Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi that you don’t need a bump stock — you can do bump fire off your hip, you can do it with a pistol in your hand. It’s really not that big a deal to me, but, like I said, that’s the only message I was trying to convey. If anybody want to try to take it the wrong way, you know, shove it up your *ss.


Anybody who’s just now watching, don’t take my Instagram posts the wrong way! I’m not a f**king idiot! I protect my land from trespassers who are, like, crack heads who think they might want to come up here and take a picture or steal something. So, other than that, any kind of authority come to my house, they are more than welcome! I have nothing to hide. They can come on up here and see it. Thank you. I hope y’all have a blessed day on this fine Sunday mornin’!

UPDATE – Here’s David’s full Facebook Live video, just in case I was interpreting it incorrectly by quoting David above:

Posted by David Eason on Sunday, December 16, 2018

Asa Hawks is a writer and editor for Starcasm. You can contact Asa via Twitter, Facebook, or email at starcasmtips(at)yahoo.com

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