Christian horror movie “Harmless” stars an evil box of porn

Move over Freddy Krueger, Pinhead, Jason, Leatherface, and all the rest of you chills-inducing has beens because the new terror heir is coming soon… Box o Porn!

The dastardly cube of lewd is the star of a new Christian horror movie titled Harmless, due out this fall. The film is a “found footage” style project similar to Paranormal Activity and The Blair Witch Project. “It’s the story about a husband and father and his battle with a box of porn that is found in the closet. Once opened, the box of porn begins to torment the family, much like a poltergeist.”

Here’s the first official trailer:

I’m guessing that the film makers have some elaborate script for how the protagonists banish this cardboard vessel of depravity, probably involving a priest that sort of resembles Gabriel Byrne, an old book with drawings of nekkid women, and lots of scripture reading, but I know a much simpler way to get rid of a box of porn in your closet. It’s called the internet.

If you’re interested in the project you can buy your way into the decision making process through their kickstarter site!

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Through our partner Kickstarter, we are offering many levels of participation on this project. From screening the film and giving feedback all the way to directing one of the scenes in the film.”

The top tier donation is $7,500 (The film’s entire budget is an estimated $12,500) and with that you will receive:

• A link to the movie once finished, credit on the website.

• A special link to pre-production copy of movie so you can give feedback, opinions, ideas etc. to make the film better.

• A digital download of the completed film.

• A signed special edition hard copy DVD of the completed film containing bonus features made exclusively for this Kickstarter campaign.

• Your name up on the big screen and dvd credits.

• A really cool movie poster. (High resolution digital download)

• A personalized thank you note and picture signed from the Director, cast and crew.

• Be a part of a creative brainstorming session with the cast and crew via Skype or in person (transportation not included).

• Two tickets to the screening of the film in Colorado Springs, CO.

• A Character will be named after you.

• A special screening with cast and crew that includes dinner (transportation not included). Special footage will be taken at the dinner and included in the Special Features section of the DVD.

• IMDB credit as Executive Producer.

• The director and two actors will travel to your location (continental United States only) for the day and shoot a scene you created. You will also direct the scene and spend the day with the team.

So what are you waiting for?!? I’m going to give my money as soon as I get done going through this box in my closet that I just remembered…