90 DAY FIANCE Shaeeda is Bilal’s 3rd wife, 2nd wife Shahidah talks divorce in book & lecture

90 Day Fiance star Bilal Hazziez is no stranger to obfuscating the truth a bit, as evidenced by his insensitive “fake house” prank played on his fiancée, Shaeeda Sween. Bilal is very open on the the show about being a divorced single dad. His ex-wife, and mother of his two children, Shahidah is featured prominently on 90 Day Fiance.

However, Bilal hasn’t mentioned on camera that Shahidah was actually his second wife. As we previously reported, Bilal was married to another woman named Ameerah prior to Shahidah. According to court records, Bilal and Ameerah were married in August of 2002.

Here is the couple’s marriage license:

Perhaps Bilal played some ill-advised pranks on Ameerah because their divorce was finalized just 16 months later in December of 2003. The dissolution was uncontested and there were no children. It appears that Ameerah is currently living in California.

Shahidah talks about divorce from Bilal

90 Day Fiance isn’t the first time that Bilal and Shahida’s relationship has been talked about publicly. Shahida has published at least two books, including The After Effects of Hajj: The Journey Begins Now. In The After Effects of Hajj, published in 2019, Shahida “shares her ups and downs, mistakes and triumphs that have led her to finding her purpose.” One of the “downs” that she talks about is her divorce from Bilal.

Shahida did a lecture in Kansas City in early 2019 to talk about the topics addressed in The After Effects of Hajj. Her lecture includes a lot of information about her marriage to Bilal, and their eventual divorce. (The full video is included at the bottom of this article.)

Shahida reveals that she met Bilal at a national Islamic convention and she ended up moving to Kansas City. “At the tender age of 20 I got married,” she adds.

“We all know that love is the greatest feeling in the world, OK? And marriage is a social necessity because that’s how families are established. That’s how communities thrive, and that’s how communities grow,” Shahida says.

However, she admits that getting married at 20 might not have been the right decision for her. Shahida says that she exchanged nuptials “possibly before I was mature enough to understand how to actually love unconditionally. So, at that young age, I was still a little naive, still working on myself and trying to be patient.”

Here are some more excerpts from Shahida’s lecture addressing her relationship with Bilal:

Maintaining a marriage successfully, or even be a great wife, was not because I wasn’t shown how to because my parents were very loving towards each other so they showed us that. But, it was because the maturity level had not reached me yet, OK?

There was an age difference there. There was a maturity difference there. You can also ultimately have two people living in the same household, but traveling on two very different paths. And those paths could be lack of communication, maturity, and understanding.

If you don’t have communication within a marriage, it can fail. If you all are not mature enough to handle your situations, it can fail. And then also having an understanding for one another — that can also fail.

I have to take ownership because it’s about accountability — I wasn’t mature enough to accept the path that Allah was placing us on, OK? And what he was spiritually shaping us to be, and molding us as a couple, as a unit. Although I was finding happiness in other realms of my life: having a job — working my dream job actually — that I felt like I craved for. Kids in school and their being happy.

And then, ultimately, him being the Imam of the community. That wasn’t a spotlight that I necessarily wanted on me. I wasn’t mature enough to handle that spotlight that was given to him.

Shahidah says the there were also drugs involved, and her father had recently passed away. She makes sure to emphasize that her father’s passing wasn’t the main reason for the decline of her marriage. “But, that was one of the factors that I felt like led to me being depressed or unhappy.”

Despite her feelings of depression, Shahidah didn’t seek guidance or professional help at the time. “I just felt like, ‘Well, that’s what marriage is. That’s what all women felt like,’ you know? Being overwhelmed with two kids, working a job, trying to maintain a household — you think that’s just what you go through in life.” She adds that she didn’t realize she was “actually checking out of the marriage.”

Shahidah took a trip to see her mother in San Diego and returned to Kansas City in January of 2014. “I made a decision that would forever change the trajectory of my life, and that was asking for a divorce in January of 2014, instead of asking for help because I saw it as a way out.”

At the heart of Shahidah’s issues was the passing of her father and the fact that she wasn’t able to grieve properly because she wanted to appear strong to her family. Not grieving properly resulted in her becoming a person with high-functioning depression. She would later seek professional help and she emphasizes in the lecture how important it is for others to do the same.

Later in the lecture, Shahida talks about being aware of your environment and the kinds of entertainment that you consume. She even mentions the ill affect of watching reality shows full of drama.

“Overly consuming yourself with drama and negativity can lead to mental instability and unhealthy habits,” Shahida advises. “Choose what you consume. If think you’re having issues, if you know that you’re dealing with people the wrong way, you gotta choose what you consume. Place yourself in positive environments.”

More from Shahida:

Don’t overly consume yourself in television shows. If you watch The Young and the Restless, you’re gonna start acting like the Young and the Restless. If you’re watching Love and Hip Hop, you’re gonna start bickering and fighting like the people that you see on Love and Hip Hop.

You have to choose your friends wisely. Choose who you surround yourself with…Avoid social media. Avoid negative talk. Sometimes the news is negative. And everything you digest internally plays a part subconsciously and unconsciously. You start to behave, like I said, with what you consume yourself with.

The topic of Shahida’s relationship with Bilal isn’t addressed too much in the remainder of the lecture. But, for those of you curious to hear more from Shahidah, here’s the full clip:

You can also purchase her book via the link higher up in this post.

Asa Hawks is a writer and editor for Starcasm. You can contact Asa via Twitter, Facebook, or email at starcasmtips(at)yahoo.com