VIDEO Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood breaks down over Leah’s fear of abandonment

Amber Portwood - Leah Shirley - Being Amber Edit

A sneak peek video for MTV’s upcoming Being Amber special shows Teen Mom‘s Amber Portwood breaking down while thinking about what she missed in daughter Leah’s life and how the little girl is coping with her mother’s return from prison.

“Last night when we were going to sleep and she said ‘Are you going to be here when I wake up?,'” Amber tearfully said in the exclusive clip for Us Weekly.

Overwhelmed, Amber went to her bedroom. Behind the closed door, Amber told a Teen Mom producer, “I feel so f**king bad. I left her for so long and I just don’t f**king want her to feel that way. I know why she’s acting the way she is. She’s afraid that I’m gonna f**king leave her again. I just f**king hate everything I did. It was all the drugs and s**t. It was all I did. All I did was get f**ked up.”

Although being absent from Leah’s life for more than a year clearly weighs on Amber’s mind, she should take comfort in knowing the experience ultimately made her a better mother: She admitted that she “never thought about Leah” before prison.

Teen Mom Amber Portwood released from prison

Before her on-camera breakdown, Amber told her grandfather it was a bad idea to transition from prison straight into filming an MTV special. (Film crews were present when Amber walked out of the prison.)

“It’s a lot to handle… I think I should have got used to being home a bit before I started filming,” Amber said. “When I was in there, I tried not to think about anything out here… It was out of sight, out of mind.”

For more about Amber’s life, including where her relationship stands with ex-fiancé Gary Shirley, tune into Being Amber on Feb. 23 at 10/9c.

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  • crystal3k

    I’m really excited to see her special. Leah seems like such a sweet little girl, and so beautiful as well.

  • sotrueithurts711

    I’m just glad Amber realized this now before it was to late.

  • J

    Who has custody of Leah?

    • sara

      Gary won full custody shortly after Amber hit him.

      • Pat Brown

        he didn’t ‘win’ anything, Amber signed over full custody so CPS would be out of their business!

        • ameliaBedelia76

          so yeah he “won”.

          • Pat Brown

            No please consult with a dictionary for the meaning of the word ‘won’. he DID NOT win anything!

  • Nicole

    Leah is so beautiful! What a sweet little girl.

  • Josie

    I feel for Amber, but think she did the right thing and is on the right path. Leah is a stunningly beautiful little girl. I just love watching these kids grow up.

  • Paige Myrissa

    I feel for Amber but I think it’s good that she feels bad. It shows that she is in the right mind set and that guilt is going to help keep her from making old mistakes again.
    And seeing Leah rush to comfort her mommy and love on her was the sweetest thing. That should show Amber just how much her little girl loves her.

    • frontdoormom

      The fact she acknowldeged she shouldve got comfy at home first before letting cameras in shows a lot. Its what a lot of us worried about and she sees it. High hopes for amber. But the guilt she feels shouldnt bring her down. Shes home now and yes its time you cant get back but nothing like a fresh start.

  • Steph

    As sad as it is to see Amber break down, that just shows how much she has changed to be able to feel those emotions. Its awful all this had to happen in the first place but hopefully she has learned and changed enough to show Leah how great of a mom she is and show her from hear on out. Im truly rooting for her.

  • savannah

    Two or three years ago, I never would’ve expected a message board on the topic of Amber to sound so supportive. But she really has done a LOT of work on herself. Sad that it had to be prison time, but I’m so happy that she gave herself this second shot at life and motherhood. So proud of the progress she’d made. Jenelle and Farrah need to take note.

    • Demona

      This is so true

  • Kara

    Leah is such a sweetheart. Gary has done a great job.

  • Lola

    It’s good that Gary and Amber aren’t back together. They are better apart.

  • Laura Ganno

    omg tat lil leah is so pretty. hope shes a happy content lil girl-never know what goes on in a childs head

  • ameliaBedelia76

    get off television. Get off television, stay sober & try to be a good Mom and one more thing…GET OFF TELEVISION! Did i say that already?

    • sammi

      In hindsight she did what was best for her daughter and herself by getting herself together, although unconventional to agree to go to jail, it worked for her. I worry that by doing that, she shot herself in the foot. She is a convicted felon now and her job options and even college may be extremely difficult to obtain now. She may have a difficult time getting aid for example with that on her record.

  • sammi

    Amber should perhaps reassure her that everything will be okay instead of running off in a panic. None of this is Leah’s fault and its high time to face the consequences of what her actions caused. I actually am happy that she seems to be on the straight and narrow but face it and make it right at this point. Also, its time to stop using curse words every other word to get your point across.