Florida man Jeff Waters had no reason to expect that his transaction at his local Bank of America would go any differently than any other. After all, he had his identification on him; he had the check he wanted to fill out, and he had signed it properly; and he wasn’t–to the best of his knowledge–visibly high.
The tellers thought differently, which is why Waters has been arrested on a variety of charges after attempting to cash a check for $368,000,000,000. That is 368 billion dollars, or enough money to buy 17 million pounds of gold and then swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck.
Waters explained to police that he bought the formerly blank check for $100 from a homeless man named Tito Watts. Watts told Waters that the check would be good for any amount he wanted to fill it out for.
The Florida man further explained that he wanted the money to start…an Italian restaurant. There is no way to do Waters’ explanation justice in a recap, so, please, be delighted by the man’s own words. Via stuppid.com:
It’s always been my dream to own the best Italian restaurant in the earth. I’m 10% Italian. Cooking authentic Italian food is in my blood. I had planned to make the restaurant 80 million sq. feet and able to accommodated (sic) 30 million eaters at once, plus it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate. But the bank wouldn’t give me my money they owed me. Tito said the check was good for any amount I wanted to write it for. So blame Tito, not me. I’m as innocent as a schoolgirl.
When officers searched Waters, they found him in possession of both bath salts and ninja throwing stars. So he was arrested for both of those things, as well as forgery.
It is not immediately clear how high Waters was while attempting to cash the forged check.
(Photo credits: Mug shot & check via Jacksonville Sheriff’s Department; Bank via Flickr)
