MOVIE POSTER “The Shawskank Redemption” starring Lindsay Lohan and Adderall McBoozenstuff

In honor of Lindsay Lohan’s “escape” from prison I thought I would honor her with a comparison to the greatest prison escape in the history of Hollywood – that of Andy Dufresne in the all-time classic movie The Shawshank Redemption.

I suppose two weeks doesn’t equate to two decades and something tells me Lindsay Lohan didn’t start a prison library or help the warden with his taxes, but the world’s biggest train wreck could still learn a lot from ol’ Andy, Red and the rest of the Shawshank bunch dontcha think? Am I the only one that thinks Lindsay is at a point in her life where she needs to “get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’?”

Here are some more Shawshank Redemption quotes that seem to fit Lindsay’s predicament in one way or another:

(I altered a name or two and the gender a few times if it seemed necessary)

Red: There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to her. I want to try and talk some sense to her, tell her the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone and this old woman is all that’s left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It’s just a bullsh!t word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don’t give a sh!t.

Heywood: Me? My lawyer f***ed me. Everybody’s innocent in here. Didn’t you know that?

Red: These walls are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That’s institutionalized.
Heywood: Sh!t. I could never get like that.
Prisoner: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as Lindsay has.
Red: Godd@mn right. They send you here for life, and that’s exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway.

Fat @ss: I don’t belong here! I want to go home! I want my mother!
Another Prisoner (Michael Lohan?): I had your mother, she wasn’t that great!

Red: The woman’s been in here two weeks, Heywood. Two weeks! This is all she knows. In here, she’s an important woman. She’s an educated woman. Outside, she’s nothin’! Just a used up con with arthritis in both hands.

Heywood: I ain’t seen such a sorry lookin’ heap o’ maggot sh!t in all my life.

Andy Dufresne: Bad luck, I guess. It floats around. It’s got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that’s all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn’t expect the storm would last as long as it has.

Andy Dufresne: You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?
Red: No.
Andy Dufresne: They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.

Red: [narrating] I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free woman can feel, a free woman at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake her hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.