CELEBITCHY – Cardi B and Offset’s latest drama is a huge and still-growing mess, but the goofiest thing about the Cardi B hacking story is how obviously transparent it is. Cardi would like you to believe that someone hacked Offset’s account specifically to send a DM to one of the women with whom he was allegedly cheating on Cardi last year, because that’s somehow more likely than he got caught and is squirming? “Someone hacked my social media” is to the celebrity world what “I’m retiring to spend more time with my family” is to politics
JEZEBEL – So it sure looks like Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, French PM Emmanuel Macron, and British PM and Trump impersonator Boris Johnson were captured on video openly teasing, mocking, and laughing at Donald Trump during this week’s NATO global summit. We can also safely assume this is what happened because after the video came out Trump canceled his remaining public appearances at the summit and got back on Air Force One to come home, both things you definitely do when you did not in fact get mocked and teased at the homecoming dance
LAINEY GOSSIP – There is a huge gap between public awareness of this year’s Aladdin remake, which was a massive worldwide box-office success, and actor Mena Massoud, who played Aladdin in that $1 billion movie. Case in point: Mena just revealed that he’s gotten zero auditions for other roles since Aladdin came out
THE BLAST – In a surprise move, Justin Timberlake acknowledged his hand-holding debacle with upcoming movie co-star Alisha Wainwright, publicly apologizing to Jessica Biel and blaming the whole thing on drinking too much. Justin also denied the worst of the rumors and lamented the example he set for his four-year-old son
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Corey Simms Speaks Out After Jeremy Calvert & Leah Messer Bash Him & His Wife Miranda During Teen Mom 2 Reunion”
REALITY TEA – Below Deck star Tanner Sterback is pushing back hard on rumors he banged co-star Simone Mashile. I’m more amused by the erotic lit names these two are sporting — “Mashile” is clearly French for “Up against the door of a bistro’s walk-in fridge,” and “Sterback” is the delicate act of mixing a cocktail while either getting plowed or plowing
DLISTED – RIP internet-famous cat Lil Bub, whose remains are apparently being sent into space (for charity)
VOX – The first trailer for the new James Bond movie is out. Despite its title, No Time To Die looks like it will definitely be Daniel Craig’s final time playing Bond. It’s a shame that none of his movies in the series have lived up to the promise of Casino Royale; maybe with this one he’ll go out in a blaze of genre-upending glory
GO FUG YOURSELF – I actually didn’t realize the third season of Marvelous Mrs. Masel hadn’t already premiered. I’ve written about its stars’ red carpet looks what, ten or twelve times in various links posts? Anyway the third season drops on Friday and once again the cast looks fabulous, if a bit tired of promoting something for at least as long as the thing took to make
THE BLEMISH – And speaking of time never passing: It’s not that I don’t believe Emily Ratajkowski is under 30 years old; more like it’s hard for me to believe I haven’t been seeing stories about Emily Ratajkowski like these and photos of her like these for at least the past 250 years
(Photo credit: Cardi B’s hacking story via Instagram)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
