VOX – Now that Game of Thrones has aired and we know the Battle of Winterfell fallout, it’s anybody’s guess as to how the final three episodes will play out
THE BLEMISH – After a month-long stay in a mental health facility and plenty of conspiracy theories about being held against her will, Britney Spears is a free woman again
CELEBITCHY – Idris Elba married his fiancée Sabrina Dhowre last Friday, in a gorgeous ceremony in Marrakesh; congrats to the happy and absurdly beautiful couple!
REALITY TEA – Lisa Vanderpump admitted that the whole “puppy gate” scandal — plus her brother’s death last April — has her on antidepressants. She’s also started attending grief counseling, which seems like it might be a healthy thing for more of the Real Housewives?
JEZEBEL – A New Jersey high school has been drawing rave reviews for its theatrical adaptation of the movie Alien, and Sigourney Weaver herself was so intrigued by the possibility that she showed up for a performance
THE BLAST – Kim Kardashian’s fourth baby shower was CBD-themed and looks more like how Coachella used to be than the photos and video of Coachella now. Also, all baby showers should be CBD themed
DLISTED – The photo of Stormi that Kylie Jenner chose to put up on a billboard as a birthday present for Travis Scott looks like one you’d expect to find on the side of a milk carton
LAINEY GOSSIP – “It’s long been a truth acknowledged that Adam Sandler doesn’t make movies anymore, he gets movie studios to foot the bill for his vacations.”
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Bachelor Nation Stars Ashley Iaconetti, Jared Haibon, Jade Roper, Nick Viall & More to Star on New Digital Series Rose Buds: Get Details!”
GO FUG YOURSELF – Almost none of the players looked good at the NFL Draft, but at least most of them had the decency to limit the tackiest element of their outfits to their jacket linings
(Photo credit: Battle of Winterfell fallout via HBO)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.