VIDEO: Vatican declares that Homer and Bart are Catholic
          

As far as the Vatican is concerned Homer and Bart Simpson are Catholic.

Over the weekend the Vatican’s news service L’Osservatore Romano ran a story that explained in detail why the church believes that the notorious Simpsons characters are indeed Catholic.  The paper based this conclusion on an analysis by a Jesuit priest, focusing upon a 2005 episode of the show in which Bart and Homer are converted by a sympathetic priest voiced by actor Liam Neeson.

The show’s producers were a little shocked at this declaration as they told Entertainment Weekly that Homer and Bart only considered converting in the episode.  They went on to add:

“My first reaction is shock and awe, and I guess it makes up for me not going to church for 20 years.  They actually attend The First Church of Springfield which is decidedly Presbylutheran.  We’ve pretty clearly shown that Homer is not Catholic.  I really don’t think he could go without eating meat on Fridays for even an hour.”

In order to straighten this whole thing out I was able to track down the show in question called, “The Father, The Son and The Holy Guest Star.”  Here is the finale of the sixteenth season of the never ending animated masterpiece in full:

 

“Wait, no matter what I did, no matter how many people lost their pensions, it’s forgiven like that?” – Homer Simpson

“Mmmmm. Bart I’m glad you had all that fun but I wouldn’t get too into that Catholic church.  With all the sitting and standing and knealing it’s like Simon Says without a winner” – Marge Simpson

“Stupid Catholic school.  Suffering for my hip attitude.  I’m the  real Jesus here.” – Bart Simpson

Two things stand out after watching the Catholic themed episode.  First, when the Simpsons are on, there has never been anything better on TV.  Second, I just don’t see how from that particular gem that the Vatican feels like they can lay claim to Homer and Bart as one of their own.  I do have to admit that Homer’s confession was compelling however:

“I wiped a booger on your shirt.  I made a dog and a cat kiss.  I swiped a bolted down TV from a Holiday Inn.  I coveted the wife in ‘Jaws 2.’  I lied to a waiter.  I masturbated 8 million times and I have no plans to stop masturbating in the near future.  Woohoo I’m clean!  In your face Lord!”

The episode is all about the absurdity of the separate factions of Christianity being at odds with each other.  In the end the Simpsons don’t belong to any one creed.  The most fault-filled family in television history belong to all of us.  Here are some screen shots from one of the better Simpsons episodes ever to run.  Sorry Pope, this family ain’t your property.

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