The world wasn’t supposed to be treated to the awesome preservation-worthy beautifulness of Farrah Abraham making sweet backdoor love with James Deen until tomorrow, but a five-minute clip from her $ex tape Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom found its way online today featuring the former reality star engaged in a little awkward small talk with Deen just prior to some seriously graphic wham-bam-thank-you-Farrah-Abraham action!
Of course, we can’t include the clip here due to the graphic nature of the video. Actually, it’s so graphic we can’t even link directly to it! BUTT Ashley Salazar can link to it through Sulia, so HERE YOU GO. (Click through for the link to the video. But let me warn you again, it pretty much has a little bit of everything with James Deen, ummmmm, talking advantage of every option open to him.)
UPDATE – Here’s another rather graphic preview clip courtesy of the ever-diligent Ashley Salazar in which Farrah goes in her own back door while riding in a limo and also it is revealed that Farrah is a [rhymes with flirter]!
UPDATE - The video is now available on the Vivid website and they’ve even made an official trailer for it! Once again, we can’t link directly to p0rnographic content, but apparently WetPaint can! So CLICK HERE for the link to watch the trailer and download the full Farrah Superstar: Backd00r Teen Mom video!
And since this film is obviously going to be a multiple Oscar contender, I thought I might share part of the script that is almost assuredly going to take home Best Original Screenplay. (If not that, it should at least get a Best Original Peenplay nod at the AVN Awards.)
Farrah Abraham: Well look at you!
James Deen: [laughs] Look at you!
Are you going to take your shoes off too?
I wasn’t planning on it. Why should I?
I’m going to.
Oh, that’s because you got he badass heels that — pain in the a$$. I got comfy shoes.
Yeah baby. Baby I need water. It’s so hot in here.
I know, it’s brutal.
Help me take this off [Farrah begins to unzip her dress in the back]
Let me see one thing first. Sit down here.
I want to see one thing please?
What are we trying to look at?
I just want to see you open your legs while wearing that dress without your pant!es on. You said that thing and it just drove me crazy
Oh my god. [Farrah covers the camera with her hands] Nooooo!
So wait, you’ll take off the dress and strip and model underwear for me, but you won’t just show me up your skirt?
That’s straight. Legs are closed right now.
Alright. Well, good luck getting those pant!es on with your legs closed retard. [laughs]
I’m going to f***in’ [inaudible] your a$$.
Bring it on little lady.
OK baby, help me. [Farrah once again tries to unzip her dress.] [inaudible]
[Farrah begins to sort through a bag apparently full of lingerie] OK, well, these are like — I only like these ones that she got me.
Who got you this? What are you talking about?
My girlfriend and I went to go pick out lingerie together and we picked stuff out for each other, and we were, like, “OK, you should try this and I’ll try that and so I tried this butthead.”
Butthead? That’s cute. You see, now I’m having fun.
Now I’m having fun.
[Farrah tosses a pillow at James]
So you like that one?
Yeah, baby. Come cuddle.
Why you like it?
Because I like this. [Farrah grabs the front of Deen’s jeans]
Like what? This?
That. I think I like this right here. [Grabs Deen’s crotch again]
[Farrah is still groping Deen] What the hell? Did you wear armor today?
I wore pants and a t-shirt. [laughs] How is that considered armor?
I think these buttons are going to take me forever.
Do you know how buttons work?
I don’t. Not today, no. I forgot my brain when I came to hang out with you.
[At this point it skips to Farrah doing her best Kobayashi impersonation.] [If you didn’t know, Kobayashi is the world-famous competitive hot dog eater.]
You do not f*** around do you? Waste no time.
Tell me how you like it.
I think you’re doing fine. If you needed any advice I’d tell you it.
I wanna go get my lube baby.
Do you want me hard or do you want to get lube? Focus little woman! [laughs]
Because we’re gonna do an@l.
Oh are we?
[laughs] Yeah! You’re gonna do that first and then we’ll do more.
The first thing we’re gonna do is do an@l?
You’re just gonna come back and I’m just gonna put it up your a$$?
Yeah! [Farrah giggles as she begins to descend a stairwell leaving the room]
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Come here!
[inaudible] Get ready!
Come here, come here, come here.
No, my a$$ is shy.
Your a$$ is shy?
My a$$ is shy, it doesn’t want to see you any more. And you better be careful. I’ll be right back baby.
[It seems Deen wins the “what to do when” argument as Farrah goes back to Kobayashiing. Then the beautiful sweet lovin’ begins with Farrah continually telling Deen how much she loves his male chicken and how it should do violent things to her cat. Deen obliges. Eventually the video cuts to Deen doing what Farrah was so anxious to do and what earned the video the title “Backdoor Teen Mom.”]
My review? Farrah was obviously awkward, but I thought she did a good job of reigning in the Farrahness (You could tell she wanted to get snippy a few times, but she kept it nice. Really nice I guess.) I’m a little surprised that the whole video appears to be shot by James Deen himself with a handheld camera — I assumed since it was at Vivid Entertainment studios that they would have used a separate cameraman (or camerawoman). As far as the $ex itself, it didn’t seem as beautiful and preservation-worthy as Farrah let on. It’s just hard to understand a woman wanting to look back on how beautiful she was at 21 years of age by watching a zoomed-in shot of her cat (and everything else) getting p0unded violently. Then again, what do I know?
The full Farrah Abraham $ex tape will reportedly be available to download through Vivid Entertainment’s website tomorrow. Let’s see if it can’t beat out Iron Man 3.