As I sit here pounding a fried Twinkie that was my morning Ding Dong chaser I read some of the worst news imaginable. Hostess Brands Inc. is making a move to liquidate its assets and go out of business because they claim a labor strike has forced their hand.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo 🙁 🙁 🙁
The rest of this post requires theme music:
The most sustained romantic relationships in my life have been with the sweet products that come off of the bakery lines of Hostess including Ding Dongs, those delicious Honey Buns and… this is hard to even type… Twinkies.
Twinkies man. Isn’t there some kind of amendment in the Constitution about this!?! I know POTUS has to fly off and do his thing if air traffic controllers go on strike. Well, we’re talking about America’s caloric soul here. Sure, it’s possible, perhaps likely, that some other corporation will take over the reins and keep those Sno Balls deliciously stacked at the local Family Dollar. But is this a chance we as Americans are willing to take?
Via The New York Times:
Hostess Brands Inc, the bankrupt maker of Twinkies and Wonder Bread, said it had sought court permission to go out of business after failing to get wage and benefit cuts from thousands of its striking bakery workers.
“We do not have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike. Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”
Union President Frank Hurt said the company’s failure was not the fault of the union or the striking workes but instead it was the “result of nearly a decade of financial and operational mismanagement” and that said management was trying to make union workers the scapegoats for a plan by Wall Street investors to sell Hostess.
I’m too crushed to even take a side on this one. Forget the financial cliff, I’m out of here because I’m buying this whole county out of Ho Hos. A man has to do what a man has to do.