VIDEO Watch the full Being Amber MTV special with Amber Portwood — plus recap and review

In what was likely the most anticipated Teen Mom follow-up specials, Being Amber documented Amber Portwood’s first few hours and days out of prison.

“It’s been a year and a half of hell,” Amber said of her 17 month prison stint. “It was really bad. But I worked on myself and worked to make myself better.”

Gary Shirley empathetically added during another point in the special that prison was one of the best things that’s ever happened to Amber — who emerged with a recommitment to mothering daughter Leah.

But, as a sneak peek demonstrated, Amber’s first few days of freedom weren’t entirely blissful. She worried about Leah’s fear of abandonment and broke down while thinking about what she was like during the height of her addiction.

“She’s afraid that I’m gonna f**king leave her again. I just f**king hate everything I did. It was all the drugs and s**t. It was all I did. All I did was get f**ked up.”

Even though she recognized why it’s important to star sober, Amber admitted to her cousin that temptations to use drugs are much greater outside of prison. (Pretty much anyone who denied that would be lying.)

“I’ve f**king been wanting to get high all day, since I woken up this morning. I swear to god,” said Amber, who was addicted to Fentanyl patches. “Being free is so much different than being in prison and being sober… I know what I can do. Like ‘Amber, you can go find these there.’ … I’m always gonna have triggers, I’m always gonna wanna get high. That’s never gonna go away.”

Fortunately, Amber’s family seemed to be there every step of the way — including cousin Krystal who offered to go along to Narcotics Anonymous meetings for moral support.

Being Amber included funny moments (explaining Jolly Rancher hairspray to her grandparents), heartbreaking moments (her concerns for Leah) and touching moments (her reunions with family members). All in all, it made for a great hour of MTV programming…

Watch the full Being Amber special, which includes Amber’s reaction to getting greeted by paparazzi outside the prison, the state of her “toxic” relationship with Gary and her first post-prison meeting with Leah.

In my opinion, Being Amber was one of the most touching Teen Mom related shows in a while. Watching a sober Amber also demonstrated she is thoughtful, loving and conscientious — which didn’t always come through on Teen Mom. As she said, “I really don’t want this show to be about mine and Gary’s relationship… I want this to be about the transition and how I’ve changed and what I want to do in the future.”