Robin Williams’ history with depression, in his own words

As the shock millions of us feel after learning of Robin Williams’ suspected suicide subsides, two of the natural next reactions are anger and “working through.” While we do this, I hope we can make a collective effort to learn more about the very real, very ugly thing that is depression.

An estimated 19 million Americans suffer from depression. Still, it remains a taboo subject. Robin’s willingness to discuss his struggle with it through the years is something that should be both admired and appreciated because, along with his incredible other legacies, he’s also left us with a starting point for discussion about how depression looks.

“Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes,” he told NPR’s Terry Gross in 2006. “Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah.”

Robin added that he wasn’t diagnosed with clinical depression, but felt acquainted with the feelings of sadness.

“I get bummed, like I think a lot of us do at certain times. You look at the world and go, ‘Whoa.’ Other moments you look and go, ‘Oh, things are okay.'”

So, what separates ordinary gloom from depression? According to The National Institute of Mental Health, major depressive disorder interferes with a person’s life by inhibiting their ability to eat, sleep, work or enjoy activities they once enjoyed. A lesser known but still notable type of depression is dysthymia. This is marked by fewer symptoms than major depression, but typically stretches out over the course of years and can lead to suicidal thoughts.

Again, this is something that Robin bravely discussed: Speaking with WTF‘s Marc Maron in 2010, Robin admitted he contemplated suicide during an alcohol relapse. At the time, his “conscious brain” suggested he “put the suicide over here in the discussion area” for later consideration.

Sources who spoke with TMZ said that by the time Robin sought help at Hazelden Treatment Center this summer, he was “too far down the road” of depression. He died weeks after leaving the rehabilitation center, reportedly from self-inflicted asphyxiation.

What is so incomprehensible about Robin’s apparent suicide is how someone so beloved couldn’t see his own worth. Sadly, that’s just how depression works.

According to WebMD, factors ranging from genes to abnormally functioning brain circuits to major life stressors may play a role in a person’s battle with depression. What’s clear is that it depression isn’t a bad mood that strikes people with low self-esteem. It isn’t a decision to wallow in melancholy. It is just as real as a broken bone or tumor and it is time we treat it as such.