Return To Amish star Sabrina Burkholder was released from jail on Monday after being behind bars for 10 days on multiple charges, including drug possession. It wasn’t long before the reality star was back on Facebook to thank those that sent her supportive messages, and to give an update on the custody situation with her two daughters.
“Thanks to everyone who sent me letters while I was locked up!!” Sabrina wrote in one of her first posts back. “The nice ones helped alleviate the hate mail I was receiving…. Telling me to overdose and die. Sorry still kickin!”
Sabrina also shared a heartbreaking — yet still optimistic — update in which she reveals that she hasn’t seen her three-year-old daughter Oakley in a year and hasn’t seen her other daughter, six-month-old Arianna, since a week after she was born on Thanksgiving of last year:
For everyone asking, Oakley and Arianna are doing spectacular ????? In August, it will be a year since I’ve seen Oakley and held her in my arms. I haven’t seen or held Arianna since a week after she was born on Thanksgiving. So it’s been a huge heartache for me bc I just want to hug them and I am unable to do so. However, when I was in jail, CYS hauled both me and their father into court (in handcuffs, and yes he was shocked when he realized I had joined him in jail smh) and it was the most humiliating experience of my life. If you want to know what happens with the girls, watch Return to Amish on Sundays on TLC. I’d love to share more but am unable to due to it being part of the show.
The good news is that CYS finally sent me pics of the girls when I was in jail. I hadn’t seen them until my caseworker decided to be kind and send me mail so I really enjoyed that. I will post those pics later on this week or next. It makes me sad that in order to see my kids I had to go to jail. But am beyond grateful that I was able to see them. My caseworker also told me that my sister in law who has custody of them has shared that she wants me to be in their lives bc she thinks its important. As long as I stay clean she will work with me.
You know, part of the reason I relapsed is due to feeling that I have no purpose without my kids. But now I have a goal and I am thrilled at the thought of one day seeing them again ♥♥♥ Oakley loves being a big sister ?? I am so glad that they are together and in a happy home ??
Of course, Facebook being Facebook, it wasn’t long before Sabrina posted something that stirred up a bunch of drama. The culprit was a selfie that included the caption “Teach me everything you know ?” Here’s the picture:
The photo had some wondering if Sabrina was using drugs again. “I hope you’re not under the influence in this pic 🙁 think of your babies,” wrote one commenter. Another responded with “I was thinking the same she won’t give up.”
Sabrina was quick to quell the relapse rumors by revealing “I’ve got a sober companion.” She then explains why her appearance may seem different. “My face is puffy from crying due to my friend dying…Also don’t have glasses on like normal…If I was using my skin would be all nasty and picked apart.” She then asks “Think before you speak please.”
The friend Sabrina is referring to is a man name Billy. Billy was watching Sabrina’s cats while she was behind bars, and she was shocked to find out he had passed away when she was released. “Omg Bill ******* noooooooooo!!!!!!!” Sabrina wrote. “I wondered wtf happened when I got home and the cats had messed everything up and had no food and no water. I knew Billy wouldn’t let that happen. RIP my dear friend 🙁 I can’t believe this happened while I was locked up OMG ??????????????”
She later shared this story about being visited by Billy while in jail:
I’m going to share something very personal with all of you. I hope that by sharing it, that it gives you a small glimpse of my thought process as of late. My last wknd in jail, I woke up with a start around 3 am early Monday morning. My friend Billy was standing inside of my cell beaming from ear to ear. I couldn’t understand how he had gotten in there. He smiled so brightly and told me that he loved me (as a friend), and that I was supposed to lift my head up and walk towards the future. He told me how happy he was and that I wasn’t to worry about him or my cats and that everything would work out. He told me its a new beginning and a few other things I am unable to remember. He disappeared and I went back to sleep. Passed it off as another crazy jail house dream. Two days later, I was released. Billy was gone, passed away. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My dream was REAL. I’ll never forget that smile on his face and the radiating white light around him. I know it sounds crazy, but its all I can think about these past few days. It has comforted me tremendously. Even if, by chance, it wasn’t real, and was a figment of my imagination, it still is something that will forever impact my life.
I have rotated between smiling and crying all day. I was in shock for a few hours and was unable to cry. So if I look weird in my pics, it’s due to me being my normal crying, emotional, blubbery mess. RIP Billy ♥
P.S. I hope this doesn’t upset anyone. I share it in hopes it brings comfort to someone else as well. I will never forget Billy calling me and checking in on me and coming over to hang out so I wouldn’t be alone for weeks at a time. He didn’t want me to be depressed. He was a real, genuine, kindhearted friend. I will never ever forget him ♥
The concerned comments continued, in addition to some questioning whether or not the photo was a bit too sexy, while others debated whether or not Sabrina is nude in the photo. Sabrina was having none of it:
I never take sexy pics ever. And I won’t apologize for my boobs either. God gave them to me! Funny how as soon as I post one picture where I finally feel pretty again, I get accused of being under the influence smh. I have smooth healthy skin right now and I’m super proud of that. And yes I have clothes on and even if I didn’t it’s none of your business 🙂 Nothing wrong with being naked. You’re being perverted. My hair covers my shirt straps ?? My face is puffy from crying most of the day over my friend passing away. Ima keep posting pics that I like and if you don’t like it then unfollow me 🙂 I don’t force nobody to look at my pics lol. I feel good and I look good. The more you fuss the more I smile. You are the one being negative not me 🙂
Sabrina then showed off her sense of humor by captioning this next bunny filter photo with “Here’s a pic where I am ‘under the influence’. For future reference. Thank you.”
But even with a good sense of humor, the amount of comments (positive and negative) that Sabrina was receiving was just too much. She penned this next post in response, and then had a conversation with commenters in which she realized just how much what is being shown on TV affects people’s perception and opinions.
I know everyone has good intentions… But like if I legit took every single last person’s advice on here??? It isnt practical… I was clean for two years…. I’m not like some recovery baby… I appreciate the concern but the over zealousness gotta stop… No matter what I post? People take sh!t way too seriously… Smh… Chill out… Relax… Be yourself…. Bc there is no other YOU in the entire universe ??✌
Please know I do not say this with an attitude or with malice… I am super grateful people care… I just want them to know that if I don’t take every single piece of advise….it doesn’t mean that I dont care…. Just means that I am unable to do precisely what everyone is asking of me… But I will do my best no matter what ❤
COMMENTER: Sabrina, in your previous post, you said that part of the reason you relapsed, was because you felt you had no purpose, without your kids. Those are the words of addict. You blamed your drug use on a circumstance, that’s why so many people have given you so much advice; and yet you flip us off, and tell us to chill? SMH.
SABRINA: I don’t consider it an excuse at all lol… When people use, it buries their feelings and so when you get clean you feel everything that you stuffed away… Its impossible for me to please everyone? I did apologize… Said two words.. “I’m sorry”… And then got accused of feeling sorry for myself lol… I just want people to know that just bc I post something on here doesn’t automatically mean it applies to my life… Sometimes I just appreciate the truth of a statement and will repost bc I like it? And chill? It wasn’t meant in a negative way at all… I’m sorry you see it another way…
SABRINA: My life is my life… No one else’s… And yes I’ve made awful awful mistakes… But if I dwell on them it won’t change a thing…all I can do is learn from it and keep moving forward… If I could change it I would.
SABRINA: You know if I posted how sorry I am for f**king up… Every single day… I’d be accused of dwelling on my issues and being self centered… Everyone has a different idea of what I should do and it is virtually impossible to do every single thing people demand from me. I’m sorry I am only human
SABRINA: And yes I’m an addict. I will never not be an addict. I’m sorry I suck at attempting to explain stuff… I also wrote that I f**ked up and at the end of the day if I had never used drugs I wouldn’t be in this situation. The blame weighs on me and me alone. I screwed up. End of story.
COMMENTER: I think I can explain why people get their feather’s in a fluff, after you write a post. We are responding to your posts from the standpoint of what we see on the show. We watch it, forgetting the fact that it’s not happening in real time. I’m assuming you know we just saw your culinary tastes, ha, ha. And Abe had just said that he didn’t think you could be friends? You had just received the letter from the court; you were at a very low point, and this is the filter by which we read into what you have written. I hope this explains why people are so passionate. If anything, the concern shows that everyone wants you to be happy and healthy. It’s really great to know that you have taken responsibility for your drug use. We all wish you the best Sabrina and want you to be happy. xo
SABRINA: Aha that makes so much sense!!!!! Thank you for explaining that!!!! You are so right!! And I legit don’t even watch the show… So I’m sure that that doesn’t help LOL
COMMENTER: Just know your true fans love you! You a great! Real life! ?
SABRINA: But yeah you are dead on with that… And Its no wonder people react the way that they do… Maybe I should at least get a run down of stuff so I know what everyone is talking about next time? Lol. “Culinary tastes” ?????
COMMENTER: Hi Sabrina..I think you will over come this just a bump in the Rd. .you were doing amazing and are still doing amazing.. I love you in the show your so honest and straightforward. ..
SABRINA: I try…. People end up taking it wrong then unfortunately… They read stuff into it that isn’t there 🙁
SABRINA: I am flawed no matter what…. By the grace of God there go I ❤
Regardless of the drama, Sabrina seems to be in pretty great spirits! We’ve been very open in our admiration for her and we continue to wish her the very best. She’s had a looooong string of unfortunate events, many of which she would be the first to admit were her own fault, but we remain optimistic that she will be able to get her life back on track! Stay tuned 🙂
And speaking of staying tuned, be sure to keep up with what was happening in Sabrina’s life a few months ago with new episodes of Return To Amish, airing Sunday nights at 8/7c on TLC.