LINKS R Kelly solitary confinement, Dark Crystal puppet madness, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss Emmy history…
THE BLAST – It seems all those rumors about the R Kelly solitary confinement actually being a hellhole of terror are complete nonsense. At least, that’s the case if you believe the pesky federal prosecutors who put Kelly there in the first place: it seems the disgraced former icon may have made up a couple of details about being bullied in solitary, starting with the fact that he’s had multiple cellmates since entering prison
VOX – “Genocidal puppets are terrifyingly effective” is not a phrase I expected to read today, and I dare say you didn’t think you’d come across it either. Yet The Dark Crystal remake is here and it is both puppet-heavy and terrifying, and here’s why
LAINEY GOSSIP – Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is one Emmy win away from becoming the most decorated actor in the ceremony’s history, but this might also be the most overwhelmingly great year for comedic actresses of all time
REALITY TEA – Speaking of scary phrases you probably never expected to read, try this one on: RHOC star Tamra Judge is a Chrisley truther
THE BLEMISH – Jussie Smollett’s PR firm would be more effective if it were run by genocidal puppets
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Jenni Farley & Roger Mathews Finalize Their Divorce: See How the Jersey Shore Stars Reacted to the End of Their Marriage”
CELEBITCHY – This is kind of old news now so I won’t even try to make a joke about it (because they’re all really the same joke); in case you hadn’t heard, “Professor Matthew McConaughey” is now an honest to God thing
JEZEBEL – Turns out that if you try the Super Size Me diet for just a little bit longer, you actually go blind and deaf. You still don’t really gain weight, though, so you’ve got that going for you
DLISTED – Clearly this is a haunted cat
GO FUG YOURSELF – For some reason, wet hair has been a lowkey trendy look this year. But yeah, it’s definitely time for people with professional stylists (and the stylists themselves) to try harder
(Photo credit: R Kelly solitary confinement via SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
