LINKS! Big Dick Energy, Scarlett Johansson and Tom Cruise rumors, Mel B hired a hitman?…

Big Dick Energy

THE BLEMISH“Big Dick Energy” was coined in the wake of Anthony Bourdain’s death a few weeks ago, but it took off as the social media meme of the summer this week when Ariana Grande kinda-sorta disclosed that her fiancé Pete Davidson is maybe really well-endowed

CELEBITCHYSpeaking of the exact opposite of that, Scarlett Johansson is fighting a new rumor that she “auditioned to be in a relationship” with Tom Cruise sometime around 2004. The latest iteration: Scarlett could totally have auditioned for such a “role” without ever knowing she was doing it, by literally auditioning for a movie with Tom and his Scientology handlers in the room

THE BLASTIn other disturbing relationship news, Mel B of Spice Girls fame is fighting back against claims she told a friend of she and Stephen Belafonte’s that Mel “would be better off” if Stephen were dead, wink-wink nudge-nudge

DLISTEDIt’s probably just a coincidence that while Mel served as a guest co-host on Today that she continued to insist the Spice Girls are going to reunite for a grand world tour despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary

JEZEBELIf you’re having trouble navigating the world these days, perhaps you’ll take some comfort in this three-minute video demonstrating “how to rescue a waterlogged book.” It can be done!

PAJIBAAnd if that clip doesn’t do it for you, here’s a photo gallery of adorable puppies and kitties (is there any other kind?), curated specifically to help you navigate the rough waters of everyday life

LAINEY GOSSIPIn other Big Dick Energy news, here’s a convincing explanation of why Chris Pine has got the stuff in abundance, along with a photo gallery of he and Gal Godot on the set of Wonder Woman 1984

REALITY TEAConrad Empson from Below Deck Mediterranean says he likes cast- and crew-mate Hannah Ferrier because he “saw a different side to her than we see on the show”

(Photo credit: Big Dick Energy via SplashNews)

John Sharp is a Starcasm editor. E-mail tips to or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.

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