THE BLEMISH – “Big Dick Energy” was coined in the wake of Anthony Bourdain’s death a few weeks ago, but it took off as the social media meme of the summer this week when Ariana Grande kinda-sorta disclosed that her fiancé Pete Davidson is maybe really well-endowed
CELEBITCHY – Speaking of the exact opposite of that, Scarlett Johansson is fighting a new rumor that she “auditioned to be in a relationship” with Tom Cruise sometime around 2004. The latest iteration: Scarlett could totally have auditioned for such a “role” without ever knowing she was doing it, by literally auditioning for a movie with Tom and his Scientology handlers in the room
THE BLAST – In other disturbing relationship news, Mel B of Spice Girls fame is fighting back against claims she told a friend of she and Stephen Belafonte’s that Mel “would be better off” if Stephen were dead, wink-wink nudge-nudge
DLISTED – It’s probably just a coincidence that while Mel served as a guest co-host on Today that she continued to insist the Spice Girls are going to reunite for a grand world tour despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary
JEZEBEL – If you’re having trouble navigating the world these days, perhaps you’ll take some comfort in this three-minute video demonstrating “how to rescue a waterlogged book.” It can be done!
PAJIBA – And if that clip doesn’t do it for you, here’s a photo gallery of adorable puppies and kitties (is there any other kind?), curated specifically to help you navigate the rough waters of everyday life
LAINEY GOSSIP – In other Big Dick Energy news, here’s a convincing explanation of why Chris Pine has got the stuff in abundance, along with a photo gallery of he and Gal Godot on the set of Wonder Woman 1984
REALITY TEA – Conrad Empson from Below Deck Mediterranean says he likes cast- and crew-mate Hannah Ferrier because he “saw a different side to her than we see on the show”
(Photo credit: Big Dick Energy via SplashNews)
John Sharp is a Starcasm editor. E-mail tips to email@example.com or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.