LINKS! Jeff Bezos’ dick continues, Tinder’s new regs, Luann gets Real…

JEZEBEL – The bizarre story of Jeff Bezos’ dick, the dick pics he sent his mistress, and his mistress’ brother hacking her phone so he could try to blackmail Bezos just got another wrinkle. Apparently the Saudi Arabian government *also* hacked Bezos’ phone, possibly as a favor to David Pecker, a “staunch Trump supporter” and the owner of AMI, who publishes the National Enquirer, who paid Bezos’ mistress’ brother $200,000 for the dick pics in the first place. Okay, maybe that’s a couple more wrinkles

THE BLEMISH – Tinder isn’t really going to start verifying the height and dick size of all the men who use the app, and reading some of the outraged Twitter responses to their April Fool’s prank is a fun time

REALITY TEA – Celebrity bloggers as a rule can’t stand April Fool’s Day, so apologies for the seemingly baseless negativity here: Countess Luann claims she would very much like to join the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast. Again: Yesterday was April Fool’s Day, so who knows if this is for real or one more halfhearted celebrity prank

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “‘Vanderpump Cocktail Garden’ Opens in Las Vegas: See the Photos of the Vanderpump Rules Cast At the Grand Opening”

THE BLAST – Justin Bieber spent April Fool’s Day trying to convince the world he’d gotten Hailey Baldwin pregnant. It’s Justin, though, so the execution was a little transparent

CELEBITCHY – Apparently Meghan Markle, Dutchess of Sussex and tabloid fodder on two sides of the Atlantic from here to eternity, spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $500,000 on maternity clothes, which seems…expected, for a super high-profile celebrity-slash-royal?

DLISTED – In other wealth news, Elon Musk, garbage person, released a garbage SoundCloud rap in honor of three-years-dead gorilla Harambe for no obvious reason beyond being rich and bored

VOX – Here’s the deal with the 100% meatless hamburger that Burger King started selling yesterday. (Quick spoiler: No, it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke; the release date was just good marketing on the company’s part)

LAINEY GOSSIP – “Broad City: A Guide on How to End a Show”

(Photo credit: Jeff Bezos’ dick via SplashNews.com)

John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.