CELEBITCHY – Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger got married in secret over the weekend, going the now-trendy celebrity route of revealing the gorgeous ceremony well after it had actually taken place. The couple, who began dating almost exactly one year ago, have been acting like a married couple for almost that entire time
JEZEBEL – The final show of Celine Dion’s 16-year Las Vegas residency was this weekend. Tickets were not cheap! So it was somewhat (?) understandable that Celine stopped the show partway through when a man in the front row got up to go use the bathroom
REALITY TEA – Last night’s Real Housewives of Potomac was the infamous “Stay in your f*cking place” episode, yet it also somehow managed to be more about Ashley Darby and Candiace Dillard’s ongoing feud than about Gizelle Bryant and Karen Huger (who actually said the line)?
VOX – Love it or hate it — by which we mean the fact of a second season when it was really only supposed to be (and should have only been) one — Big Little Lies is back
THE BLAST – Former Boston Red Sox player and future Baseball Hall of Fame member David Ortiz is stable after being shot during a robbery in his native Dominican Republic last night
DLISTED – “The first post-Game of Thrones movie where Sansa Stark takes on Drogon’s powers and moves to New York City” really does sound like a way better movie than Dark Phoenix, which got abysmal reviews and had the lowest debut box office take of any movie in the X-Men franchise
THE BLEMISH – I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that 100% of the people watching Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise fight in an MMA octagon would be doing so simply out of hope for dual concussions
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Counting On Star Jinger Vuolo Attacked Online for Dyeing Her Hair Blond: ‘What’s Wrong with Your God-Given Color?!'”
GO FUG YOURSELF – Cosmo is heavy into celebrity food p0rn but also this cover photo of Aubrey Plaza and a melting ice cream cone is so ridiculous it’s become hilarious
(Photo credit: Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger via Instagram)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
