VOX – The Bachelor finale shocker was without question one for the show’s record books. It was also, to put it as gently as possible, juuust a little bit problematic
CELEBITCHY – William H. Macy managed to avoid arrest in the college admissions cheating scandal that snared his wife Felicity Huffman for what amounts to a pretty sketchy reason. I’ve read this twice and it still seems like he should have been taken into custody as well
THE BLEMISH – In 1989, Michael Jackson was captured on film shopping for jewelry with accuser James Safechuck — who was twelve years old at the time — and no one questioned it until the footage resurfaced on YouTube this week
JEZEBEL – In related news, it turns out that LaToya “Psychic Friends Network” Jackson was right about her family all along, but nobody wanted to take her seriously because who could take the Psychic Friends Network seriously, right?
THE BLAST – Apparently Luke Perry’s death certificate lists a false burial site because his family wants to keep the real resting place a secret. History is already planning a Curse of Oak Island-style show about this
LAINEY GOSSIP – Everything about J. Lo and Alex Rodriguez’s relationship has seemed manufactured from day one and these charmless engagement photos are only further proof
DLISTED – In sex offender news not related to Michael Jackson, Nicki Minaj has started referring to her boyfriend, Kenneth Petty — who did time for attempted rape and is on New York state’s list of registered sex offenders — as her “husband” instead
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – I’m no connoisseur of daytime TV, so I could be way off on this. But I’m pretty sure that when Maury Povich gets involved in a feud, it’s not a sign that things are about to be settled
REALITY TEA – “Estranged Wife Of Alexis Bellino’s New Boyfriend Pleads For Social Media Respect For Their Children”
(Photo credit: Bachelor finale shocker via Felipe Ramales / SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.