THE BLAST – Cardi B’s assault arrest came as something of a surprise this morning, if the screams of her fans outside the presinct house were any indication. Cardi turned herself in following allegations “that she ordered an attack on two strip club bartenders” last August
JEZEBEL – Everything about the FBI’s investigation into the Brett Kavanaugh sexual assault allegations has been a disappointing sham since the investigation was announced last week. Here’s where it stands today!
CELEBITCHY – And speaking of Kavanaugh, there’s a long and growing list of all the inaccuracies and lies in the testimony he gave last week. The most glaring of these all have to do with Kavanaugh’s alcohol intake and drinking habits, which, to put it….gently, is not a great look
REALITY TEA – If you were hoping to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta star Eva Marcille get married later this year, boy are you in luck. According to a new report, the RHOA Season 11 finale will focus entirely on Eva’s wedding to Michael Sterling
VOX – A suggestion for you, now that it’s October: If you were thinking about buying an “Indian” costume for Halloween this year, don’t do that. And especially don’t buy one of a “Sexy Native American.” Here’s why you should not
THE BLEMISH – From legally changing his name to Ye to dressing in a seltzer bottle costume for his SNL performance to wearing his MAGA hat again and stringing together a bunch of words about why Donald Trump cares about black people, Kanye West was most definitely “back on his bullsh!t” this weekend
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – Wait a minute — now JD Madison from Southern Charm is being accused of rape *and* of somehow intimidating his alleged victim? This show now features two more alleged sex criminals than any reality show or group of people really ever needs
DLISTED – Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk got married over the weekend; they made it public by sharing a photo of their wedding bands on Instagram. To the disappointment of millions, the bands appear to be standard gold and in no way crafted from a pair of GOOP’s vagina eggs
LAINEY GOSSIP – “Jennifer Lawrence’s man management”: Here’s J-Law at the premiere of The Favourite which features her friend Emma Stone and her ex Nicholas Hoult and a surprising number of other celebrities who have intimate connections to those three people
(Photo credit: Cardi B’s assault arrest via Allan Bregg / SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is a Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail at email@example.com or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.