WTFest intruder story ever from Ohio Beacon Journal

It is hard to imagine a news story that has more bizarre twists and surreality than this gem from the “Crime Watch” segment of the September 23, 2003 edition of The Beacon Journal out of Ohio! The story first surfaced on reddit back in March of 2008 and resurfaced on the site a few days ago.

There is some speculation that the article is a hoax, but a diligent researcher from boingboing shelled out the big bucks to download that particular edition and can verify that it is indeed legit. If there was a Lifetime channel for men I’m sure this would have been a made-for-TV movie by now!

Here’s the article all typed out for ya:

• Burglary
A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died.

That dude lost his dignity and his dog all in one fell swoop. I just don’t think it’s possible to recover from that.