JEZEBEL – The USWNT victory over the Lionesses of England yesterday secured their spot in the Women’s World Cup final this Sunday. Before the match, England had criticized the US for being too showy and generally arrogant. On that note, here’s a photo gallery from the match, including Alex Morgan’s tea sipping celebration after her goal put the US up 2-1
CELEBITCHY – Scooter Braun’s plan for making things better (not making them right) with Taylor Swift apparently involves a long telephone conversation, though so far he hasn’t been able to get hold of her. In the meantime, Taylor’s back catalogue is selling like crazy in light of her apparent displeasure at Scooter’s purchase of her masters, so, the longer this plays out, the more money they both make
DLISTED – Filmmaker Rian Johnson unveiled the trailer for Knives Out, his latest work, which comes out Thanksgiving weekend. Knives Out is an awesome title, but this trailer — with the notable exception of a super-hammy, southern-accented Daniel Craig — underwhelmed me at first. It just seems like a lot of shocked faces? Then I remembered the movie is a whodunnit, dummy, so of course the trailer will be even cagier than normal. And seriously, watch Craig and try not to snort laughter
LAINEY GOSSIP – Filmmaker Ari Aster made a name for himself last year with Hereditary; this year he’s putting out the follow-up, Midsommar. It’s a breakup movie disguised as a horror movie, the trailer is disturbing and weird, and here is probably the best sentence I will read today: “If Ari Aster has a love language, it’s grief screams”
VOX – Here’s the deal with Nike’s Betsy Ross flag shoe controversy, Colin Kapernick’s involvement, and why some people are upset about these things. Since the shoe has the flag for America’s original thirteen colonies on it, why don’t we just have the USWNT ship them all to Britain? Problem solved; no further controversy to be had
THE BLEMISH – A day after maybe coming out with a less-than-100%-obvious tweet, Lil Nas X put an end to the speculation about his sexuality by saying “deadass thought i made it obvious.” He then followed *that* up with a less-than-100%-obvious tweet implying he’s actualy bi, not gay. And that “Old Town Road” is a song about horses
THE BLAST – Luke Perry’s final role is in Quentin Tarantino’s new movie Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, and a billboard promoting that fact is now up on Sunset Boulevard
REALITY TEA – Billionaire and model-daughter-haver Mohamed Hadid was sentenced to 200 hours of community service after being found guilty of building code violations for his Bel Air mansion, plus bribery for getting the code violations built in the first place…and then apparently had his security guard do the community service for him
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – Today, in news of the obvious: 13-year-old Honey Boo Boo has reportedly hired an attorney to put all of her money into an account Mama June won’t be able to access. She also has the Olsen Twins on speed dial (which I know isn’t really a thing anymore but still seems to be in use as an expression?)
GO FUG YOURSELF – “Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore Picked Up Some Awards” at film festivals in exotic European locale; truly, the life of an international film star is a challenging one
(Photo credit: USWNT victory via AbacaPress / SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
