Being a fully licensed celebrity foible-ologist I am sometimes burdened with the unpleasant task of being the first to diagnose famous people with some pretty unpleasant maladies. Such is the case with Twilight heart throb Taylor Lautner who not only suffers from lycanthropy, but also has one of the worst cases of simple chronic tiltosis I have ever seen!

What is simple chronic tiltosis? It is the inability to place the weight of your body on both legs at the same time, resulting in severe leaning while standing still. When I first noticed Taylor’s aversion to perpendicularity I thought he might simply have one leg that was shorter than the other, but after further study I realized Taylor’s leaning was not always in one particular direction, though he does tend to favor his right.

CLICK HERE to see over one hundred Taylor Lautner leaning photos from various red carpets, photocalls and award shows over the last few years!

Italian architect Diotisalvi was also a sufferer of simple chronic tiltosis and as a result started construction in 1173 on the most famous monument to the disease, the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Here is an image demonstrating the severity of Taylor’s condition:

But enough of all that technical stuff! Here are the Top Ten Taylor Lautner Leaning Photos in which he demonstrates some common and some rare manifestations of simple chronic tiltosis. I’ve labeled each one for you with a brief description.

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10. The Dead Arm

Seen often in breakdancing, serious major league pitching injuries and with sufferers of this disease, this awkward pose creates the illusion of a “dead” arm hanging heavily from the torso. It can be distinguished from similar tiltosis poses in that the person is bent at the hips, leaving the legs almost normal. (Photo: Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)

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9. The Domino

Kristen Stewart is lucky to have survived this photo shoot, nearly being crushed between Taylor Lautner’s tilting frame and the statuesque perpendicularity of Robert Pattinson. (As you may notice from this image, Pattinson is a Bedheadrophilia sufferer, causing his drowsy, confused expression and untamed hair. His condition has been studied intensely by millions of young female foible-ologists, so there’s no need for me to comment further on his condition here.) (Photo: Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)

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8. The Doo Doo

One of the mos unpleasant incarnations of simple chronic tiltosis is “The Doo Doo,” which creates the illusion of having a bowel movement even while standing. It is a rare manifestation of the condition because it requires the sufferer to not just lean left or right but to actually lean forward a bit as well, which is very difficult when someone is unable to place equal weight on both legs at the same time – thus the “taking a doo doo” facial expression. Also known as “Cutting the Cheese.” (Photo: Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)

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7. The Eli Leaning

Oftentimes a simple chronic tiltosis sufferer will have an enabler who allows the subject to lean more than humanly possible. In this case, the enabler is New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, which is ironic because he leaned heavily on a great defense and offensive line to overcome his bad quarterbacking and win a Super Bowl in 2008. (Photo: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images for DirecTV)

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6. The Illusion

Another enabler of people with this disease is often the photographer, who will go out of his way to frame the celebrity in such a way as to make him look like he’s standing straight up. This photo is a great example in that Taylor looks perfectly normal, yet the crowd members in the stands appear to be sliding off the face of the earth! I’ve included an inset image of Taylor with the correct horizon line to illustrate how far the photographer went out of his way to make Taylor look like a normal human being. (Photo: Newscom)

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5. Lil’ Leanin’ Lautner

Simple chronic tiltosis often reveals itself during childhood, as is the case with Taylor Lautner. Here he is in 2005 already putting an unnecessary burden on a single leg and creating havoc for the photographer trying to get a shot that doesn’t look distorted. (As you might have guessed by his immense popularity, the disease has no effect on cuteness. As a matter of fact, preliminary studies seem to indicate simple chronic tiltosis might actually make you look cuter!) (Photo: Vince Bucci/Getty Images)

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4. Just The Lean

This is just a simple, straight-forward shot of the Taylor Lautner lean. Notice how his tie acts as a plumb-bob, trying desperately to point straight down. If simple chronic tiltosis were to have a poster to raise awareness, this would be it. (Photo: Tuukka Jantti, PacificCoastNews.com)

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3. The Counterweight

This is a trick often employed by sufferers of the disease. They hold a seemingly heavy object far from their body in one direction, which visually seems to justify their leaning the opposite way. How much would you guess that People’s Choice Award weighs judging from this photo? 65 pounds? 75 pounds? I asked a Los Angeles garbage man and he says they weigh about 2 pounds. (Photo: Michael Buckner/Getty Images for PCA)

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2. The Catch

Kristen Stewart likes to feign unconcern, but even she couldn’t stop herself from helping a friend she thought was toppling over! Kristen is completely accustomed to people leaning away from her, but Taylor took it to an entirely new level and the broody beauty lept to his rescue on the red carpet at The Twilight Saga: New Moon Premiere in Los Angeles. (Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

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1. The Tip Over

The only known photograph of Taylor Lautner pushing the lean envelope too far! In what could have been a tragic event at The Twilight Saga: New Moon Premiere in Los Angeles, Taylor toppled over! Miraculously, he was able to catch himself and was not harmed int he incident. But this just goes to show the seriousness of this disease. I am fearful that if Taylor goes untreated he may soon be restricted to shooting movies in San Francisco. (Photo: UPI/Jim Ruymen Photo via Newscom)

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