Top 10 Jerry Campbell quotes from American Hoggers premiere

Last night A&E released the Campbell family on America as viewers got a double-barreled, two-episode look at what a hog hunting family from Texas is like in the form of American Hoggers. It was a fun ride, and I certainly wasn’t disappointed in catching my girl Krystal “Pistol” Campbell on the hunt, but the unquestioned star of the show is bow-legged patriarch Jerry Campbell. When he flashes that big ol’ bearded grin and I see the Texas star on his tooth I can’t help but smile.

Jerry, the hog boss, has himself a ten gallon hat that, through much wear and tear, is now around 3 gallons as it forms perfectly around his head. He has a jeep that looks like a salvaged piece of movie memorabilia from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. He’s got suspenders that harness bullets, and a deep affinity for his hunting dogs. He’s old fashioned and his kids Krystal and Robert bump heads with the old man about new ways of hunting down wild boars.

What stood out most about Jerry though from the first two episodes was his arsenal of wide-ranging philosophical quotations. That, and the fact that A&E felt it necessary to give the man subtitles because of his heavy drawl. Sure, usually they seemed heavy handed for delivery to the camera, but I believe these are sayings he’s used a million times before and will a million times again in the future. I couldn’t get enough of how much Jerry enjoyed letting these hog-zen one liners fly. So I figured I’d put together a list of ten of my favorites from last night to share with you.

TOP 10 LIST OF JERRY CAMPBELL QUOTES FROM AMERICAN HOGGERS PREMIERE

10. “Hogs like to eat anything. They’ll eat baby sheep, baby goats. They’ll eat ’em just like popcorn.”

9. “That son of a bitch’s breath smells like my old English teacher.”

8. “I hate hot weather like the Pope hates the devil”

7. “The brush is thicker than lawyers in hell down there.”

6. “He’s (wild boar in a junkyard) liable to be lying up in there but hell he could be sitting in the front seat of a Cadillac too.”

5. “When I get to Heaven I’m going to have one hell of a pack of dogs.”

4. “I’ve been hunting hogs since Moby Dick was a sardine.”

3. “I don’t drive a Jeep. I wear one.”

2. “Colder than an ex-wife’s heart this morning.”

1. “He’s (Jerry’s trusted stud dog Rooster) had more bitches than a Houston, Texas divorce lawyer.”