SEEKING BROTHER HUSBAND Elisa and Mike are polyamorous, ‘Mike has the same freedom to date as I do’

TLC’s new reality series Seeking Brother Husband claims to feature men and women involved in polyandrous relationships. Polyandry is a relationship in which the woman is allowed to date other men, but the men are not. However, many of the cast members of the show are actually polyamorous, which means the women and men are allowed to date (and even marry) others.

We previously reported on the VERY openly polyamorous relationship between Kenya Stevens and her husbands, Carl and Tiger. Kenya and Carl have literally built businesses and written books based on promoting polyamory. (Carl has another wife, and Tiger has multiple other women he is dating.)

Seeking Brother Husband Season 1 also features Elisa and Mike. Based on the premiere episode, and preview clips for the rest of the season, Elisa and Mike’s story line will be all about how jealous he is that Elisa gets to date other men. But, just like Kenya and her fellas, Elisa and Mike are VERY openly polyamorous as well.

Elisa Onorato and Mike Onorato host a podcast titled Poly+Amor=Us (or PolyPlusAmorEqualsUS). The first episode was posted online in January of 2021, and the most recent episode was posted on October 11, 2022.

As you would have guessed based on the podcast title, most of the episodes feature Elisa and Mike talking openly about the different aspects of being involved in a polyamorous relationship — in which both of them date other people. Here is the “About Us” from the podcast’s Spotify listing:

Mike & Elisa are 30 somethings exploring their polyamorous relationship. They discuss how they decided to open up their relationship, what it is like to be married and poly, their dating experiences, and so much more.

Why is Seeking Brother Husband portraying Elisa and Mike as polyandrous when they are actually polyamorous? I am assuming the answer to this question (which also pertains to the other polyamorous cast members) is that polyandry is a much more marketable concept — especially given how successful the numerous other shows featuring polygyny (one man married to several women) have been.

Unfortunately, the seemingly fabricated story lines about the jealous husbands cancels out the marketable concept for many viewers — this one included. The show seems extremely well produced, and the cast members are interesting to watch. I just wish we were getting a more accurate show about polyamory than a heavily scripted show with polyamorous individuals acting as though they are polyandrous.

Just like Kenya and Carl, Elisa and Mike are very open about being polyamorous — even after the release of Seeking Brother Husband. As a matter of fact, both families have expressed their frustration at producers portraying their relationships inaccurately.

Elisa recently did an anonymous Q&A with her Instagram followers in her stories. Here are a couple excerpts talking about the reality of her relationship with Mike versus how it is being portrayed on the show:

QUESTION: How does mike feel about being labeled polyandrous on national television? Seems very different from polyamorous…

ELISA: Neither of us loves the label, but we also know it’s not going to be used continuously. And all that matters is how WE choose to define our relationship.

QUESTION: The TLC show you are on appears to be about polyandry, not polyamory. Have you changed your relationship style to polyandry or is that just for the show and in reality you are still polyamorous?

ELISA: The show is focusing on women, so they have given us the label of polyandrous. But Mike and I identify as polyamorous. Mike has the same freedom to date as I do. Thanks for asking! I’m happy to clarify. I can’t speak for all the women on the show, but I do believe they all identify as polyamorous as well. But I could be wrong about that.

In July of 2022, Elisa and Mike launched the second season of their podcast. Elisa made the announcement on Instagram and shared her thoughts on why they started the podcast — which includes revealing that polyamory was actually Mike’s idea.

Why Elisa and Mike started their polyamory podcast

So, I wanted to share with you WHY we decided to start this podcast in the first place.

As many of you know, Mike and I have been on a very unique journey in our relationship. Early in our dating life we decided to be Polyamorous. Despite popular belief, this was actually MIKE’S idea! He introduced me to Polyamory and I immediately knew it was right for me.

After spending a few years really digging into what it means to be Polyamorous and talking through our rules, boundaries, and ethics, we started dating other people.

We have a very healthy and happy relationship, but it took a lot of work to get here! Looking back, we both wished there had been more people talking about Polyamory and sharing their stories. It would have made the past few years a lot easier if we had had some guidance or a reference point, but most of the resources we were looking for just didn’t exist yet.

So, after a ton of learning, stumbling, and making a lot of mistakes, we decided to create the resources we felt were missing.

Thus, Poly+Amor=Us was created!

With this podcast we aim to:

🧡 Normalize Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy

🧡 Remove the Stigma around Non-Monogamous Relationship Styles

🧡 Encourage Vulnerability, Honesty, and Openness

🧡 Help Others Discover Their Truth

🧡 Create Meaningful Community and Relationships

We’ve been on quite the journey in the past year, and we hope you’re just as excited to hear about it as we are to share it.

Elisa and Mike’s real story

Here are the first two episodes of Elisa and Mike’s podcast, Poly+Amor=Us, in which they introduce themselves and their polyamorous relationship:

Asa Hawks is a writer and editor for Starcasm. You can contact Asa via Twitter, Facebook, or email at starcasmtips(at)yahoo.com