LINKS Oprah sex trafficking hoax, Amanda Bynes pregnant, Jax and Brittany married…

Oprah sex trafficking hoax 2

JEZEBELRest assured that the Oprah sex trafficking hoax is just that. But, if you hadn’t heard about this particular bit of viral nonsense, strap yourself in for a doozy! (And remember that it only took the length of a fitful night’s sleep for this 100% fake story to trend #1 on Twitter)

THE BLEMISHIt turns out that Amanda Bynes, still in recovery and recently un-engaged to her now ex Paul Michael, is pregnant with her first child

REALITY TEAAt least one unending wait is now over: Vanderpump Rules stars Brittany Cartweight and Jax Taylor were finally married on last night’s episode. MVP of the ceremony went to Tom Sandoval; looks like the over / under on the length of the marriage is around two years

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPIn other Vanderpump Rules news (and in an unfortunate turn toward the COVID-19 portion of today’s links post), “Star Scheana Shay Slammed Online for Making Light of Quarantine Advisories; Later Backpedals on Refusal to Stay Home”

LAINEY GOSSIPHowever, Scheana’s snafu isn’t nearly as bad — or potentially career-ending! — as that of Vanessa Hudgens, who had this to say about the still-expanding coronavirus pandemic: “Like, ya. People are going to die. Which is like terrible…but…inevitable?”

CELEBITCHYMaybe Reese Witherspoon has used this line before (and maybe it’s not her line to begin with), but it’s new to me and I think it’s pretty great. In her new Vanity Fair cover interview, Reese says, “I always say, ‘Funny doesn’t sag.’ I always just wanted to be funny.”

THE BLASTPatton Oswalt brought joy to the masses by doing impromptu stand-up in front of his house. By “masses” I mean his millions of Twitter followers, since COVID kept all but three of Patton’s neighbors indoors. The little girl steals the show

DLISTEDYou can’t go out to the movies for the foreseeable future, but you can stream Cats from the comfort of your home. Yes, that Cats. On the one hand, I don’t know how that’s supposed to make anyone feel better; on the other, why was the studio holding it back for a regular release such that a coronavirus-inspired *early* release was possible at all?

GO FUG YOURSELFMarch Madness is canceled; Fug Madness lives on

VOXFinally, here’s a little light reading for right before you go to bed: “This pandemic will expose who we are as a country: ‘We’re bumping up against the limits of excessive American individualism and market society.'”

(Photo credit: Oprah sex trafficking hoax via Instagram)

John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail or Twitter @john_starcasm.

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