Kim Kardashian wants a flat ass

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The most famous ass in the world wants out of the big booty business.

Maybe it’s because she failed to break the internet, or maybe it’s for other, more deeply personal reasons, but Kim Kardashian–”Kimmie K,” as her closest friends call her–says she’s done with her famous posterior, and wants to reduce.

In the speak peek of this Sunday’s Kourtney & Khloé Take the Hamptons, Kim’s reaction to Khloé’s impressively girthy derriere is emphatic and to-the-point: “I want a flat ass.”

Scott Disick’s role as an audience surrogate has never been more spot-on: “You guys are famous for big butts,” he reminds the Kimmster. “You guys lose your butts, we may lose all our money.”

Kimminator’s response? “I don’t care. I want a flat ass now.”

Which is more than a little silly, considering Paper Magazine‘s thoughts on the subject.

Kanye West was unavailable for comment–though reliable sources reported that his response to the declaration of flatness was disbelief, followed by shock.


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In related news, KimBot is seemingly ready to pass along the crown for Best Booty–she thinks Pippa Middleton’s got the doogs.

Pippa had the following to say about KK’s rear end, in a recent report on the “Booty of the Year” topic everyone’s been talking about:


No year is complete without a bottom story, and the ‘Rear of 2014′ award undoubtedly goes to Kim Kardashian, after her posterior exploded all over the Internet last month. I must say that mine — though it has enjoyed fleeting fame — is not comparable….But the Kim-butt story did make me pause. What is it with this American booty culture? It seems to me to be a form of obsession. Kim’s aim, apparently, was to break the Internet, but I’m not sure she’s going the right way about it.


Kim-Butt’s response was as tactful and caring as a kindergarten teacher’s smile: “I love her. She has an amazing booty. She’s beautiful.”

(No, she did not say “booty-ful.” Which would have been the ultimate compliment.)

Reports that K-Kar is changing her body’s tune because she’s tired of being called “Kimmy Widebottom” are unconfirmed.

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