LINKS! Drake sues assault accuser, Kavanaugh in deep, Kristen Bell’s personal good place…
THE BLAST – Drake is now suing the woman who accused him of sexual assault, claiming she’s been trying to set him up ever since the two of them spent the night together in early 2017. Among other things, Drake says she “voluntarily and seemingly happily performed oral sex on him,” and if nothing else you know he’s indignant because people only use that many adverbs when they get emotional
CELEBITCHY – The answer to this headline is “No, they will not, because the phrase ‘in too deep’ has never better fit American politics, nor has it ever been a more unfortunate double entendre”
THE BLEMISH – I don’t think I’ll come close to topping this headline, so I’ll just quote it: “Kristen Bell Is Throwing an Ecstasy Party and We’re Invited.” (Also The Good Place returns September 27th at 8, mark your calendars!)
REALITY TEA – I know we’re a Farrah Abraham-friendly site and all, but Bristol Palin is throwing at some glass houses when she says you couldn’t pay her to be anything like Farrah
VOX – David Foster Wallace never considered this possibility
JEZEBEL – I am as surprised by the fact that Maroon 5 is still a thing as I am by how often Maroon 5 and the fact that they are still a thing come up in conversation, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that they’re doing the Super Bowl halftime show next year?
LAINEY GOSSIP – Game of Thrones wrapped earlier this summer but Kit Harington still has his Jon Snow hair because apparently they’re going to shoot alternate endings of the show this autumn because the producers are convinced there’s going to be a leak. So here are some photos of Kit Harington looking generally glum and waiting for November to arrive
DLISTED – In That Happened Fast News, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger are reportedly about to get engaged three months after they started dating and thirteen months after Chris and Anna Faris divorced. Prepare your rebound jokes and wait for my signal
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – Not enough snark in the world
(Photo credit: Drake sues assault accuser via Photographer Group / SplashNews.com)
John Sharp is a Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail at john@starcasm.net or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.
