20 quotes from the Duck Dynasty Season 3 premiere

Wednesday night’s double-shot Duck Dynasty premiere smashed the competitors as 8.62 million viewers tuned in for the first show, followed by 8.53 million for the second. Hey Jack, the lead-in and lead-out re-run episodes pulled in over 4 million peeps each.

As a shout-out to the power of the bearded ones, here’s 20 quotes from the big night! Get your cup of tea ready as Si brandishes a quotable whipping stick on Phil and the boys (and gals).

DUCK SEASON EVE

Si: Willie’s idea of roughing it is opening a garage door manually.

Jase: Willie’s idea of roughing it is having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed.

Jase: Once you bring something with wheels that’s enclosed, you’re no longer camping. You’re parking.

Willie: Jase, I am roughing it. I got no cellphone service. Well, I got one bar. I could make a call but it wouldn’t be as clear.

Si: Back in ‘Nam my icy stare became so famous… I was approached by a professor in a wheelchair.

All the rule number ones for going in the woods from Si: Never drop your weenie, lay down and digest, have your buddy’s back, and always bring a pistol.

Phil: It looks like old Si has gone horizontal, we could take a cue.

Miss Kay: If you want some lovin’ tonight, you’re gonna have to go to that shower first.

Jase: Necessity gave birth to an abomination deemed “The Mallow Dog.”

Martin: For the first time in a long time, I can smell myself.

Can’t Hardly Weight

Willie: Around here high school reunions are a big deal. It’s a great opportunity to show off how successful you are, how smoking hot your wife is, and how little hair you’ve lost.

Korie: I like a man with a little meat on his bones.

Jase: Doves are the filet mignon of the sky.

Jase (to Si): Try to find you a dog with a screw lose so it matches the master.

Miss Kay: If Si were a dog we’d have to put him down.

Willie: I’d rather put my hair up in pigtails and wear makeup than take workout tips from Jase.

Phil: He’s got a set of cods on him that would make old Arnold Schwarzenegger blush.

Phil (having seen Willie doing yoga): What in the world has happened to my boy?

Si: Well just call me Prince. What can I say?

Willie: When the going get tough, the tough strap on camo-tights.