VANDERPUMP RULES Ariana Madix Grey Rock Method explained

What did Ariana Madix mean when she said she’s a “grey rock?” Turns out it’s a method used for dealing with narcissists – which makes a lot of sense if you know anything about Tom Sandoval.

A Scandoval Summary 

Vanderpump Rules stars Ariana Madix and Tom Sandoval dated for nearly a decade before their relationship blew up as the world watched in real time. Ariana, and viewers, learned that Sandoval had been cheating with friend and costar Rachel Leviss for upwards of 6 months.

Things got exponentially worse as the details came out, for example: how much did Tom Schwartz really know? Sandoval and Rachel (who went by ‘Raquel’ at the time) bonded over lightening bolt jewelry and a love of being bad. Their affair went so deep they even had code names for each other saved in their phones.

Ariana Madix may have lost the guy but she definitely got her bag, scoring numerous endorsement deals including Duracell Batteries and Lay’s potato chips. She also got cast on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars and has an upcoming hosting gig for the new season of the Peacock original reality series Love Island.

Grey Rock Method

So when Ariana says she is “a grey rock” in a recent episode of Vanderpump Rules, it turns out it’s a lot deeper than you may imagine. The conversation happens when Brock Davies tries to convince Madix to “forgive” Sandoval, which she is NOT having. Instead, she says the “only way” to avoid “the sh-t” is to go completely silent.


Let’s hear it for the grey rock! #PumpRules #RealityTV #Hayu

♬ original sound – Hayu – Hayu

According to Twitter/X user xJanetSnakehole “grey rocking” is a way to shield yourself from the wrath of narcissists.

PsychCentral says the method is used deliberately against those who thrive on “emotions and drama”:

The grey rock method is where you deliberately act unresponsive or unengaged so that an abusive person will lose interest in you. 

Abusive people thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and don’t show your emotions, they may lose interest and stop bothering you. This is known as “grey rocking.”

Using the grey rock method might look like avoiding eye contact, giving short answers, and focusing on other things when talking with someone who’s using abuse tactics.

Is Ariana Madix boring or just grey rocking?

This may be why some fans of Vanderpump Rules have been losing interest with Ariana, saying that she’s coming off as boring and may have always been a little stale. Has Ariana Madix just been a grey rock this entire time to protect herself from Sandoval?

While we are glad that Ariana has found updated methods of therapy, we don’t really know if it’s 100% the cause of her mellow personality. What we do know is she has moved on from the whole ordeal and is currently dating fitness influencer Daniel Wai (who ironically costar Lala Kent describes as a “f-cking square.”)

Ashley Marie is a writer for Starcasm and the personality behind Twitter’s @RealityByAshley. You can contact Ashley via Twitter or email at realitybyashley(at)