50-year-old actress Sharon Stone has reportedly separated from 24-year-old Chase Dreyfous due to the stress caused by her recent custody battle with ex-husband Phil Bronstein over their adopted eight-year-old son Roan.
“The whole custody thing really devastated Sharon. She has always devoted herself 100 percent to her children. The stuff about the Botox and so on that came up in court was totally invented. But the sad fact is it took the spark out of her relationship with Chase.”
(Chase must have been heart broken considering the couple had been going steady for, like, six months. No reports if he got his letter jacket or John Mayer mix CD back.)
We are sure the stress of losing a courtroom battle and having your parenting skills called into question publicly couldn’t have been a good thing for Sharon and her boy toy, but we have reason to believe the break up is part of a much larger, much more insidious plan!
Using the technology pioneered by the wonderful people over at ThisIsIndexed.com, we mapped out Sharon’s dating preferences over the last half century and have reached a scary conclusion. Here’s the graph:
According to our predictions, in the year 2010 Sharon will start running through the Jonas Brothers one by one. Then, in 2015, she will try again to gain full custody of Roan – by dating him! Graphs don’t lie!
You heard it here first!
****NOTE – In what may be of interest to just a handful of our readers, the graph also predicts that the universe will collapse in on itself and cease to exist in 2019, when Sharon starts dating a young man that hasn’t been conceived yet.