VOX – This Robert Mueller smear campaign fail is almost too stupid to believe, but give it a try anyway: Apparently a 20-year-old troll and a Republican conspiracy theorist teamed up to try and pay women to say they’d been sexually assaulted by Robert Mueller. They did a paper-thin job of covering themselves and then spilled their own hot tea on Twitter, and now the FBI is investigating them
THE BLAST – The real Haunting of Hill House mansion is really haunted, say the couple who own the Georgia estate. (The house is also only about 16 years old, so the “4 or 5 ghosts” who haunt it must be pretty fresh)
DLISTED – Kanye’s team is concerned about his mental health and is trying to get Jenifer Lewis from black-ish in a room with him to talk about getting professional help
JEZEBEL – British woman Amethyst Realm, who made a name for herself last year by claiming she’s slept with over 20 ghosts, now says she’s engaged to a ghost she met in Australia this winter. Amethyst also says she and this ghost joined the Mile High Club together on the flight back home, so, double congrats, I guess
CELEBITCHY – Tiffany Haddish ditched the worst date she ever went on by telling the dude — who “stank” — that she had to go to the bathroom and then just ditching him in a movie theater. She now uses credit scores to decide whom she’ll date
REALITY TEA – There is definitely a secret camaign to get Brandi Redmond kicked off of The Real Housewives of Dallas, says Brandi Redmond
THE BLAST – Every time the New England Patriots play the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo, drunken Bills fans hurl dildos at Tom Brady. Their all-time high for on-field landings is apparently three, set this past week. No offense to Bills fans, but three? You can do better
LAINEY GOSSIP – Halloween is kind of a pain in the ass, unless you want to go full Ron Swanson and just have one Halloween costume that you wear every time you need it. Anyway here’s Katy Perry dressed as a sloth and looking generally like she lost a bet
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – Finally, for your holiday amusement, here are nine amazine reality TV-themed pumpkins. The Kim Kardashian pumpkin kind of looks like a slowly disintegrating religious idol, Happy Halloween!
(Photo credit: Robert Mueller smear campaign fail via SplashNews)
John Sharp is a Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.