LINKS! Dane Cook’s very young girlfriend, America’s mystery illness, Beyonce’s return…

CELEBITCHYSomehow, the pics of Dane Cook and Dane Cook’s very young girlfriend kissing are way less disturbing than the candids with the two of them posing side-by-side. Being able to see both of their faces makes them look like a 45-year-old father and his 19-year-old daughter enjoying one last family vacation before she goes off to college

JEZEBELIf you’ve been feeling especially miserable, depressed, run-down, ragged, or helpless for the past year and change, it turns out you’re not alone. According to a massive new Gallup poll, a mysterious, nameless sickness has been ailing a majority of Americans since late 2016

LAINEY GOSSIPWe’re now less than two months from Beyonce’s return to the stage at Coachella. So Beyonce has that much time to drop some surprise album / single / tour announcement, and the rest of us have an unofficial deadline for figuring out who the unnamed actress is that Tiffany Haddish says hit on Jay-Z at a party and almost got Beyonce to throw hands

REALITY TEAPeggy Sulahian won’t be back for more Real Housewives of Orange County sleepwalking next season. Fan reaction appears to be a mix of high-pitched joy shrieks and shrugs

UPROXXTo celebrate the one-year anniversary of its release (and as part of its overall Oscar campaign), Get Out is coming back to theaters for free on President’s Day. The catch: it’s only going to play at, like, 100 theaters

VOXHere’s a breakdown of how much Winter Olympic athletes have to eat every day. Cross-country skiiers are the most otherworldly, at between 4,000 and 7,000 calories. And ski jumpers are the most mortal, with a pitiful 1,300 to 2,500. Also, apparently teenage snowboarders are just like regular teenagers in that they can subsist on a diet of ice cream and churros and still function. Except, in this case, “function” means “Win a gold medal”

THE BLEMISHAlso, contrary to what you may have heard, the Winter Olympics are not being held at P.F. Chang’s

DLISTEDThose of you still hoping against hope for a third Sex In The City movie are in luck: Cynthia Nixon is still in Kim Cattrall’s good graces. Though, in her favor, Cynthia apparently called Kim to express her condolences for Kim’s dead brother, and a phone call is always superior to an Instagram comment where death is concerned

(Photo credit: Dane Cook’s very young girlfriend via Instagram)

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