JEZEBEL – In Sweden, two criminals wandered into a medieval cathedral near Stockholm, stole 17th century crown jewels in broad daylight — and then made their getaway via speedboat. James Bond spotted nearby, taking notes
CELEBITCHY – Evidently Prince William and Dutchess Kate recently spent a night out at celebrity getaway Mustique, where they partied with Mick Jagger. I probably wouldn’t turn down the chance to do the same, but everything in that first sentence just seems so…tired?
THE BLAST – Chris Brown apparently wants out of the lawsuit claiming he imprisoned a woman and allowed his friend to sexually assault her…by counter-claiming that he “had his hands full” with cocaine and MDMA and unrelated sexual acts in another room. I don’t think Chris Brown understands how counter-claims or lawsuits work
VOX – Making 3D-printed guns available to anyone with a 3D printer and a copy of the correct schematic does not seem like the best idea America has had in 2018
THE BLEMISH – Florida Man Alert: Robby Stratton walked into a convenience store with an alligator under his arm, chased someone around the store trying to get the gator to bite, and then told local news he had no idea where the gator came from in the first place, as it’d been sitting in the back of his truck when he pulled up. Like one does
REALITY TEA – According to Below Deck Mediterranean star Hannah Ferrier, she and Captain Sandy Yawn have “hashed through [their] issues.” Also, João and Brooke and Kasey discuss their ongoing love triangle
LAINEY GOSSIP – The new trailer for Venom doesn’t look especially good…but the same is not true of Tom Hardy, the movie’s star, who looks as good as ever and should probably make his next movie a two-hour montage of him playing with various dogs
PAJIBA – Just in case you didn’t already want to go see Crazy Rich Asians when it comes out in a couple of weeks, check out this story about why the filmmakers turned down a last-minute and legit crazy rich offer from Netflix to make it for them instead of Warner Brothers
DLISTED – And speaking of integrity, Nicole Kidman has signed on to play Gretchen Carlson in the upcoming movie about Fox’s treatment of sexual harassment allegations under former CEO Roger Ailes
(Photo credit: Awesome Swedish heist screengrab via YouTube)
John Sharp is a Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.